Top 5 Tear Jerkers.

When it comes to sad parts in movies and books, I am the biggest sook alive. I will bawl my eyes out, especially at these five tear-jerkers. WARNING: Feels and spoilers!!

5. Liza Comes Home, "Dicey's Song" by Cynthia Voigt

Tell me, how would you suppose a six-year-old would react when he sees a tiny box and is told his mother is in there? Sammy Tillerman delivers the heartbreaking "But it's too small!" when he sees the wooden box holding his mothers ashes, and I'm blubbering away like a fountain.

4. Tate Markham Comes Home, "On The Jellicoe Road" by Melina Marchetta

What is it with mothers and coming home that's so freaking sad? Taylor Markham hasn't seen her mother since she was eleven, and when she finally DOES get to see her, her mother is riddled with cancer and dying. Just dump a big bucket of feels on my head why don't you?!

3. Abysina Henry, "M*A*S*H"

Nope. Nopity Nope Nope Noping NOPE. You can't do this. Not to Henry. Not to the beloved leader of the 4077th. Just the shock ending of the episode after the jubilation of Henry going home marked a huge turning point in the show. Childhood innocence - GONE.

2. Littlefoots Mother, "The Land Before Time"

Even THINKING about this one gets my eyes watering. The too-real portrayal of Littlefoot finding his dying mother then trying to cope with the days afterwards is just too much and Don Bluth had NO RIGHT to do that to us at such a tender age.

1. Nephrites death, "Sailor Moon"

HE WAS TRYING TO CHANGE. HE WAS TRYING TO CHANGE FOR MOLLY. He'd only just learned how to love and care for another human being and his life was taken away from him! YOU MONSTERS! How could you do that?! How could you do that to Molly?! It's not fair!

Now if you excuse me, I need to go and invest in some Kleenex.

No. No. NO. NO NO NO NO! GIVE HIM BACK!

My Obsession: Lord of the Dance

Days without bad eating habits: 36
Feeling: Either extremely anxious, deeply depressed or overly optimistic. Almost normal for me really O_O'
Anxiety Level: All over the shop
Activity Level: Moderate

What a week. The Mental Health System in this country is a fucking trainwreck - it only looks at the past 4 weeks, not whether or not you have any long-term mental issues. Seriously makes getting preventative help hard. Didn't help that the doctor not only complained bitterly when I told him what I needed ("This will take forever and I'm supposed to finish in 10 minutes!" Well get your fucking act together and get to your appointments on time and you won't have that issue will you?) then laughed at me when I told him I'm pretty much scared or anxious 100% of the time. Yay professionalism! Of course, that triggered an attack and I spent the afternoon chilling out at Kangaroo Point until I cheered up. Got chapter 64 of Chuckles and Giggles finished though!

Anyway, enough about that. Anyone who knows me knows I am obsessed with Irish Dancing, specifically Michael Flateleys "Lord of the Dance" and to a lesser extent, "Riverdance".  Most music is like a drug to me, this stuff (combined with the beautiful dancing that's hypnotic to watch) is far beyond that. I swear the opening, a simple flute piece, could wake me from a coma in a heartbeat. "Warriors" always leaves me breathless, "Breakout" always leaves me with a grin on my face, "Stolen Kiss" always has me in tears and the titular dance, "Lord of the Dance" (which starts with the second half of "Stolen Kiss") does all of the above.

When I saw "Dangerous Games" live late last year, I felt like my heart was ripped into shreds when it ended, especially as it ended with the original "Lord of the Dance" piece. I kept silently begging for them to dance one more time. The power it had over me was almost unbearable, yet so irresistable that I wanted more. The only thing better than seeing it would be to be able to dance to those beautiful melodies. Never going to happen, but I can dream.

"Riverdance" is a different kettle of fish, there are only 2-3 tracks from there that get my heart racing anywhere near the way that something like "Warriors" does. "Firedance" is easily my favourite, the combination of Flamenco and Irish Dancing makes me want to get up and move. "Reel Around the Sun" does its job as an opening well, and the titular track "Riverdance" has so much variation in it that it almost lives up to "Firedance".

Overall, just about anything to do with Irish Dancing will keep me excited. So I'll leave you with my favourite piece of all, and remember to keep dancing!

Ughhhhh...

Days without bad eating habits: 30
Feeling: Like death
Anxiety Level: Depends where I am
Activity Level: Still walking where possible

Who the everliving FUCK catches a cold in summer? Me, it seems. First it started with a sore throat (which I blame on singing loudly to and from Toowoomba to go and visit my mother) and now my sinuses are sore and the snot just will not stop (TMI? Too bad). On the plus side, it's no where near as bad as the infections I was getting last year (this time around, if I want relief I just go for a walk in the sauna that is currently Brisbane) but it's still fecking annoying, especially as the guys at work insist on having the air conditioner set to sub-zero at work. I swear I'm going to have to start wearing a ski jacket or something to work just to keep from getting hypothermia.

It's not all bad though. With the help of Bach Rescue Pastilles (which are super expensive mind) I am able to get through a Thursday night dance class again without the associated panic attacks. I seriously don't know what it is about Thursdays that set me off, I never seem to have any problems on Tuesdays. Maybe because Tuesdays are always a smaller group...?

The healthy eating seems to be working well, I have discovered that I do in fact have cheekbones (GASP) and my pants seem to be getting bigger (will probably have to shell out for new ones soon). I will admit Fridays I tend to be a bit naughty, the first Friday of the year was when we went to the cricket and were showered with free food. The second Friday saw me go to the Gaythorne RSL with my coworkers to indulge in a very undercooked steak (which is how it should be). The third Friday I went to Mums and enjoyed lamb chops and her famous potato bake, and this past Friday I treated myself to some yummy custard tarts. Friday is now firmly entrenched up there with Tuesday and Thursday as days that I can't wait for now!

Another positive is that since I posted my last blog (and a snapshot on Instagram) the number of spammers I have encountered has fallen drastically to zero. Which is what it should be and will hopefully continue to be!

Social Media - Followers

Every so often when I go onto Instagram or Twitter (which is very rare nowadays) some moron either messages me about "get more followers here" or tags me in a "get more followers" picture/comment. It's annoying as anything and WILL get you instantly blocked by me on any form of social media.

You see, I'm not about followers, as much as they're nice to have. I want to create interesting, meaningful content that people geniunely enjoy and can take something from. That's why I work so hard on Chuckles and Giggles, it's why I take photos of things I find interesting, beautiful or quirky, and it's why I try to experience new things and push my limits so that I can share them with my followers and give them something they can appreciate. For me, there's no point having followers that don't like what I produce, just for the sake of having followers. I don't do it to others, because I don't want stuff that I'm not interested in clogging up my feeds, and I don't see why others should do it either.

So if you're going to follow me, please do it because you geniunely like what I post and wish to see more of my randomness. It'd mean a lot more than just following me in the hope of a follow back, because honestly, I'm just not into that sort of thing.

Give me a loyal fanbase anyday!

Walking

Days without bad eating habits: 21
Feeling: Irritable, my tolerance for bullshit is very low
Anxiety Level: Ehhhhhhh...?
Activity Level: Dance twice a week, walking three times a week

I love walking. Back when I was in Oakey, every hour I'd take a walk around the building (mainly because it was cold), as well as walking to and from work. It's relaxing and lets me get out any excess energy, and being a naturally anxious/hyper person, I need to burn off as much energy as I can get.

My favourite place to walk is obviously along the Brisbane River around New Farm, Kangaroo Point, South Bank and the City. I also don't mind a quick walk around Coorparoo, although I haven't been around there for a long time, and the walking track at work is always good for getting away from the office. I plug in my earphones and settle into my own little world (and woe betide anyone who runs into me). My need for movement has gotten ten times worse since dropping the junk food and bad food habits - as I'm not in a constant food coma, I have more energy to burn off. I'm also more alert and less likely to take any rubbish from anyone - already this week I've done a mass unfriending from Facebook and bitten off a fair few heads.

Hopefully my mood will balance itself out as I start upping my activity level, otherwise I'm goig to be very, very tetchy!

Oh to be a dancer

Days without bad eating habits: 14
Feeling: I want bread and pasta
Anxiety Level: I want bread and pasta
Activity Level: Will do anything for bread and pasta

Seriously, I am craving me some carbs something baaaaaaaaaaad. Fridays are a little bit of relief, last Friday was the VIP Cricket Experience which was AMAZEBALLS, where I allowed myself a couple of party pies and some prawns and chicken (still drinking nothing but water though) and this Friday was our monthly Team Lunch (as the self-appointed Morale Officer at work, I try to get the guys out as much as possible).

The biggest thing that helps me though is my new "safe place", or Raw Connection West Coast Swing, particularly on the quieter Tuesday nights. I never thought somewhere where a lot of people get together to dance to really loud music would be somewhere safe for me, but the amazing people and the equally awesome dance style allow me some sort of relief from constantly trying to put up a brave front. Sure, I still have panic attacks at dance class (HUGE apologies to those teachers whose classes I've had to duck out of due to afforementioned attacks) but the associated guilt at having them is a lot less than at a place like work for example.

West Coast Swing is a very expressive dance style, which suits me fine. Even as a follower, there's plenty of time for you to put your own spin on the dance, especially in freestyle which is probably my most favourite thing to do ever after writing and making people laugh. The happiness I get from dance is comparable to how I feel listening to the soundtrack from the Irish Dance classic "Lord of the Dance", which to me is like being drowned in purest happiness. It's also helped me improve in other areas, like my posture (which my mother has noted is much better than it used to be). It's also one of the very, very few ways in which I can connect with other people, when you're dancing with someone it doesn't matter that they're rich, poor, neurotypical, autistic, black, white, religious, whatever.  Like I said, it's a very safe space, and my first couple of lessons completely blew me away by how open and friendly everyone is. I almost feel like I've known these people forever.

Now if I could just get my frame right...

Regret: Giving up Junk Food!

Days without bad eating habits: 7
Feeling: Look at me again and I will rip off your face and force feed it to you
Anxiety Level: High
Activity Level: Please kill me

So, just before Christmas, I got pissed off for some reason or another and decided that my junk food addiction had to go. The fact is that I was spending 80% of my time either eating or sleeping, every time I did anything (other than walking and sleeping) I had to have food with me. I tried to placate my conscience by eating cherry tomatoes or baby spinach leaves, but I couldn't ignore the fact that my eating habits were extremely unhealthy.

So I am now on a Lite 'n' Easy eating plan, and have been since Monday. I have had ZERO junk food since Friday (although the Lite 'n' Easy meal for today does include a small slab of chocolate cake - YAYNESS) and I am feeling the effects of radically changing my diet.

One of the first positives has already come through - I am sleeping so much better now that I'm not loaded with sugar when I go to bed. Another positive is that most of the food is EXCELLENT. I had a Caesar salad on Tuesday that was simply devine, and the Lamb shanks I had that night were amazing. For breakfast today I had an egg with some bacon and tomato on toast which was YUMMY and yesterdays mango yoghurt was magnificent. Of course, there were some let-downs, like the apple coleslaw (who does that, seriously) and the beef stroganof (ugh) but overall it's been great.

Of course, I can't ignore the fact that I now spend most of the day hungry because my body is trained to be eating just about all the time. The most annoying thing is, I've done this to myself and thus can't blame anyone else. Because I'm so hungry (which I'm certain is 99% psychological), my anxiety is high (I'd like to apologise to my fellow dancers at Raw Con for my panic attack last night), and I'm lacking any sort of motivation to do anything. I'm irritable and snarky, although I am trying to put on a brave face - like I said, this is entirely my own fault and those around me don't deserve to pay for my mistakes.

It's not all doom and gloom, last year I entered a competition and won VIP tickets for myself and 5 friends to the Brisbane Heat v Adelaide Strikers game at the Gabba tonight. Which means I can lend someone my membership because I won't be using it tonight. I'm looking forward to tonight, hopefully it will be a lot of fun and the Heat can bring us home one more win!