Sunday, 29 March 2020

The Ben Cousins Interview.

This is going to be quite emotional. No apologies.

I've just watched the Ben Cousins interview on Channel 7 (more like an interrogation). Hearing all of those questions being asked of someone who is still sick in the accusatory tone that they were just got my back up something fierce. 

Now, before I say anything further, I know full well that the only one responsible for Ben Cousins is Ben Cousins. He is the only one who can decide he's ready to take the steps to getting better. Unfortunately I don't think interviews like this help one bit.

Back at the end of 2014 I had a total mental breakdown and became depressed. I watched, wracked with guilt and self-loathing as my house turned into a total dump and my job slipped away from me. I hated myself every minute of it, and I wanted to fix it so badly. The problem was, I could barely move out of bed. Every day that my boss let me have sick leave was a relief. I'm still ashamed to this day of the mess I made of everything, even though I'm years removed from it. It took me a long time to get help and turn my life around - and I've never been addicted to anything apart from nicotine (275 days ciggie-free!). 

Every time someone saw the mess I was in. Every time my bosses dragged me in to rip into me for taking so much time off. That guilt piled on top of me, like it was trying to push me back under the water. I feel like this interview, and some of the questions and the way they were asked, would do the same for Ben. He should never have agreed to it. Channel 7 should have known better than to offer it. This was just a bad, bad, BAD idea all around. Hope Channel 7 enjoy all that $$$.

If you're suffering drug addiction, depression, anxiety - it's hard. You want to fix things but you're stuck. The biggest thing you can do is reach out for professional help. Feel free to shop around to find the mental health professional that suits you. You might need medication, you might not. The most important thing though is to forgive yourself. You're sick. Your actions might have contributed to your illness, but no one is perfect. You have your entire future to do better and be better, you just have to give yourself the chance. Be kind to yourself.

Tuesday, 10 March 2020

Do you want a membership to a sports club?

So footy season (of various codes) is upon the Great Southern Land again. Many of us sports fans have already invested in our favourite team, but for those that haven't, a few considerations:

1. Money.

This is a hard one, but thankfully if you want to show your support to your team then most clubs offer packages at various levels for various prices. How many games can you attend? How many people are you paying for? Do you have pets you want to join up?

2. Travel.

Not only does travel cost $$$ but it takes time and can make a night out a very, VERY long night (try driving 2 hours after a night game and getting home around midnight). If you can utilize public transport then definitely look into it. Also, if you're driving, make sure you check on parking as many stadiums have parking exclusion zones around them that can hurt your hip pocket.

3. Loyalty.

This one is simple: Are you going to stick around even if the team starts losing everything including the kitchen sink? Are you going to try your best to make it to all the games you can? Are you going to defend your club to the death, while also acknowledging there are just some things you have to shake your head at?

If you answered yes, then welcome to the club. Welcome to sitting in the same seat all year and making great friends around you. Welcome to family, togetherness and identity.

If you answered no and are going to turn in your membership as soon as the losses pile up: Kindly fuck off and return to cheating on your spouse. In fact, if you're someone who was formerly a member and is now returning to a winning team, I hope you get what you deserve. You filthy bandwagoners are making it that much less enjoyable for the REAL fans who know what loyalty looks like. You come in, force us out of finals tickets, get into fights, bag out the team when they do the slightest thing wrong, you leave when there is even a chance we can lose, you eat all the food and you make getting in and out of the game harder than it needs to be, you selfish mongrel.

This is from someone who has only missed 2 Brisbane Lions home games since 2006. From someone who went to every single Brisbane Lions game in 2013. From someone who loves their club and what it has given them. Being a club member isn't a social status, it's a commitment and if you're not ready for that, then get back into GA or watch from home.

Saturday, 11 January 2020

Little Women: My Take on Amy March

I'm definitely on my own here, but I've always loved Amy March, just as much as I love her sisters. Sure she starts out spoiled, but she becomes a level-headed, generous woman and honestly, it pisses me off no end that they never show her complete ownage of the Chester Fair. When Mrs. Chester boots her off the stall that she put so much time in effort into, she could have hit the roof, stormed off and not taken part. Instead, after a brief sulk, she put her best effort in and rose above, impressing everyone.

The big thing people bring up though is when she burnt Jos stories. Dear god, if I had a dollar for every time I've lost a story to my own stupidity, corrupted hard drives, or just plain misplacing handwritten notes I'd never have to work again. The thing is, every time it's happened I've either re-evaluated and realized it was no great loss, or gone back and written something even better. It's a hard, hard blow, but not one that you can't come back from.

However, losing one's sister on the other hand is something you can NEVER fix. I love my sisters more than I can say, and while I'd quite happily throttle them sometimes, if anything ever happened to them I could never recover. They are both extremely talented young ladies and both of them are good-hearted, hard working sorts. Losing them would be a million, billion, bajillon times worse than losing some story.

And I bet if you asked Jo March she'd tell you the exact same things about Amy. I've seen blogs recently where people have suggested Jo should have left Amy to drown! First off, who the hell puts a story above a human life, and secondly, who puts a story above their OWN SISTER?! Disclaimer, I know there are some family members you are definitely better without, but even then I don't recommend killing them (unless in self-defence). Can we please be reasonable about this?

Dislike Amy if you must, but don't expect her sister to see it the same way. Because like Jo, I'm a big sister and as a big sister I can tell you this right now: You even THINK of hurting my sisters and I will hunt you down and make your life miserable.

Wednesday, 3 July 2019

Mental health and your workplace

Since starting my new job (looooooooooooong story about being fired in August last year and spending three months unemployed) I've had the opportunity to really push the mental health bandwagon and talk to people about talking seriously about mental health.

Talking about mental health is hard. I think there's a couple of reasons for this:

-Fear of judgement/punishment - I think this speaks for itself. We're scared of people punishing us for our issues, whether it's being fired for taking time off to cope or people thinking we're not capable of doing our jobs etc.

-Pride - We don't want to be seen as weak. We don't want to burden others with our problems. We want to be able to fight it ourselves, to prove how strong we are.

-Don't know how - A lot of people don't know how to talk about their emotions or their mental health. How do you even start the conversation? What are the words for the things we're feeling? Who do I go to for help?

So, in order to help people talk about these things, I've started doing monthly "Mental Health" sessions at our weekly meeting. You would be surprised how many people open up when they know they're in a safe place and they learn how to talk about these things. Some of the activities I've come up with so far are:

- Anonymous positive messages. Passing around a hat with names, and you have to write an anonymous positive message to the person whose name you got

- Word Association. Everyone has 30 seconds to write down as many words that they associate with a particular word. Great for showing how differently people use language and how the same word might have a different meaning to different people.

- Death by PowerPoint. Trust me, PowerPoint presentations don't have to be boring. If you use them as a way to generate discussion instead of talking at people, you can really bring people out of their shells.

Regular talks about mental health not only encourages people to speak up, it increases morale and brings the team closer together. Instead of just relying on things like "R U Okay Day" and brushing it under the carpet the rest of the year, make the effort to keep the conversation going all year.

Saturday, 19 May 2018

Employment and Neurodiversity

So, for those who have been following me on Twitter/Facebook/Instagram, you'll be aware that I have a new job. I've been there a week, and while it's a bit overwhelming, it's also been extremely positive, especially the reception to the news that I have an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

A lot of people on the spectrum that I speak to often lament that telling employers that you have a mental illness/personality disorder/are neurodiverse often means that they are excluded from jobs. This means that they don't reveal their condition, often trying their best to disguise it. This is a BAD idea for a lot of reasons, the biggest one being the damage it does to the individual. Trying to mask neurodiversity is HARD, and it takes a lot of energy that could be instead focused on getting the job done. Following on from that, I then hear stories of people starting to burn out, get sick and ultimately get fired for poor performance. No need to explain why this is bad - getting fired repeatedly from jobs makes it harder to gain subsequent employment.

So, my plan has always been from the start to be open and honest about my condition. A lot of people will scoff at me for this, but I look at it this way - if someone doesn't want to employ me because of my condition, then I really don't want to work for them. You don't want to work for an employer that doesn't want to work with you in getting the best out of you.

That being said, there are ways that you can make this a positive:

- No one knows you better than you. So before you start applying for jobs, work on a plan. Think about the things that you need to be a good worker and about the things that can potentially go wrong. Click here to see a copy of my "Quick Aspergers Syndrome Guide" that I have printed out on my desk.

- Make sure you tell potential employers at the interview. Frame it as a positive - mention that you have a plan and you're happy to answer questions. Not only will this make it easier for employers to help you, it also shows initiative and planning, which any employer will value!

- Keep the lines of communication open. Things change, including in your personal life, that affect how you work. Also, new strategies and treatments are becoming available all the time.

- You don't have to tell your employer everything, and there are some things that you will be telling your manager that you won't need to tell your coworkers.

For employers: Please, PLEASE don't dismiss applicants just because they're neurodiverse. You wouldn't dismiss someone for being in a wheelchair (unless of course, it was a physically demanding job). Consider them as a whole person, and if you can work with them and they will fit into your business then definitely hire them. You might have to make a change or two, but if you dismiss neurodiverse people out-of-hand, you could potentially be missing out on a great employee.

I always try to be open and honest about my Aspergers. It helps build trust and respect, and it means if something does go wrong, my coworkers, managers and myself are well-placed to minimise the damage and get me back to working my best.

Good luck to everyone, whether you're looking for a job or whether you're looking for the next member of your team.

Saturday, 5 May 2018

Bullying is like Chocolate

One thing I've noticed is that no one wants to acknowledge the fact that being a successful bully is a very rewarding behaviour. Whether it's asserting your power over someone else, or muscling someone else out of a job that you want, bullying can be very, very satisfying.

The only thing is, this satisfaction is only short-term. You feel the rush of power, of successfully bringing someone down, but soon that wears off and you need a new victim. Just like a chocolate bar. A sweet, sugary chocolate treat that tastes so good going down but soon the chocolate bar is gone and you need a new treat.

The similarities don't stop there. As I've been told many times while binging on chocolate: A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. Bullying and chocolate don't fix anything, and while they feel good in the short-term, long-term they have negative consequences.

Bullying and chocolate are only really good for covering up the cracks, for those of us who don't want to take the time to work on ourselves, to see the parts of ourselves that aren't very nice and work on them to make ourselves better people. Whether it's counselling or exercise, both are much harder to do than bullying or eating chocolate.

I'm not talking about a once-in-a-while chocolate, or a bit of friendly teasing. These things are fine in moderation.

Of course, the people who actually need to read this blog, the bullies, won't read it, or if they do they'll think it applies to someone else. It's hard to look at the bits of your life that are hard, and work through the problems of your life, but it's worth it, not just for the victims of bullying, but for the bullies themselves.

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

An Autistic Guide to attending the Big Bash League!

Yes, I know, it's been a long time between posts again. Sue me (actually, don't, I'm broke).

So, as everyone probably knows, I am a huge Brisbane Heat fan, and a fan of cricket in general. However, the way that Big Bash games are paced and the way they encourage the crowd usually leaves me with severe sensory overload (from the sound and from the way we're all packed into the Gabba like sardines). So, I've been experimenting with ways to make this easier for myself after a bad start to the season (even though the Heat have been excellent). Here are my suggestions to make going to the Big Bash (or really, any sporting event) easier if you have Autism/Sensory Processing issues.

First off, unfortunately live sport isn't for everyone. It's loud, long and taxing. If you have severe issues with noise, lights, crowds etc I'd suggest going to the Womens Big Bash, or the Sheffield Shield. There are usually less people at these events, and a lot less noise/flashing lights. So if you still want a live sport experience, perhaps chose a lower grade of your chosen sport to attend.

However, for those of us who are going to the big leagues, here are some ways I've found that can make your experience more enjoyable:

1. For those of us who are sensitive to sound, I can not recommend a good set of earplugs enough. I wore a pair tonight and it drastically cut down the noise exposure, while still allowing me to enjoy the atmosphere.

2. Take advantage of innings breaks. Most stadiums allow to you head outside for a bit, which is what I did tonight, so make sure when there's a break in the play you give yourself a bit of time out to bring yourself down. Most people stay in the stadium to get food/enjoy the entertainment in the breaks, so it's much quieter and calmer outside.

3. Make sure you're properly rested and fed/watered before going to the game. A good rest and having your blood sugar levels stable is important for withstanding a Big Bash game - sometimes the games are long and being exposed to so many triggers will sap your energy.

4. If you can, take your own food and drink. One thing I LOVE about the Gabba is that they allow you to bring in your own food and drinks, provided they're still sealed and non-alcoholic, so I don't have to deal with the social interaction of buying food if I don't need to. Check with your chosen stadium, and see what you can/can't bring with you to the game.

5. Accept you might not be able to sit through the entire game. This is especially relevant to me when it comes to Test matches. I've only ever sat through a whole day of a Test once, and I paid dearly for it. Now I know that I can only stay for a few hours maximum, but it's enough for me to enjoy the game and have a bit of fun.

Obviously, this is a very basic start, and you might need to work out your own strategy for attending live sports events, but whatever your plan, make sure you have a plan and stick to it, and remember to HAVE FUN!