Accept it and Move On

I hear the phrase "Accept it and move on" uttered quite a lot, especially as a trans non-binary person. Of course, usually the person saying it means "Accept it and don't try to change yourself" which I think is a pretty poor interpretation of the saying.

I was thinking about this when I think about the things I have to accept. I am my mothers child, and my grandmothers grandchild. Two people who I feel could have lived so much better than what they did. My grandmother chained to her bitterness and spite, my mother chained to my grandmother and her duty. I have to accept that I have my grandmothers inclination towards spite and bitterness, and that I have my mothers inclination towards craving approval and acceptance from places that will never give it. Accepting these facts though doesn't mean I have to live like them. I can accept that yes, I can be extremely bitter and spiteful, and that I crave approval from people who will never approve of me, but to me the"moving on" part means I can make the choice to change. I can make the choice to seek help and learn to be different. I can accept that I look exactly like both these women, I can move on by shaving and dying my hair colours both of them would never go near (not that they didn't want to mind) and getting piercings in my face. I can go to a psychologist and talk about my inclinations towards traits I don't like that I've inherited, and learn strategies to avoid being like that.

Acceptance isn't always easy. It's taken me a long time to accept these things, to look at myself in the mirror long enough to acknowledge the facts. Doing so however has allowed me to move on. I can be me. I can look like me. I can accept that I am a lot like them, and I can use that to make sure that I am not them, that I am ME.

So next time someone tells you to "Accept it and move on" they might just have a point - not that they were intending to make it ha ha!