Ughhhhh...

Days without bad eating habits: 30
Feeling: Like death
Anxiety Level: Depends where I am
Activity Level: Still walking where possible

Who the everliving FUCK catches a cold in summer? Me, it seems. First it started with a sore throat (which I blame on singing loudly to and from Toowoomba to go and visit my mother) and now my sinuses are sore and the snot just will not stop (TMI? Too bad). On the plus side, it's no where near as bad as the infections I was getting last year (this time around, if I want relief I just go for a walk in the sauna that is currently Brisbane) but it's still fecking annoying, especially as the guys at work insist on having the air conditioner set to sub-zero at work. I swear I'm going to have to start wearing a ski jacket or something to work just to keep from getting hypothermia.

It's not all bad though. With the help of Bach Rescue Pastilles (which are super expensive mind) I am able to get through a Thursday night dance class again without the associated panic attacks. I seriously don't know what it is about Thursdays that set me off, I never seem to have any problems on Tuesdays. Maybe because Tuesdays are always a smaller group...?

The healthy eating seems to be working well, I have discovered that I do in fact have cheekbones (GASP) and my pants seem to be getting bigger (will probably have to shell out for new ones soon). I will admit Fridays I tend to be a bit naughty, the first Friday of the year was when we went to the cricket and were showered with free food. The second Friday saw me go to the Gaythorne RSL with my coworkers to indulge in a very undercooked steak (which is how it should be). The third Friday I went to Mums and enjoyed lamb chops and her famous potato bake, and this past Friday I treated myself to some yummy custard tarts. Friday is now firmly entrenched up there with Tuesday and Thursday as days that I can't wait for now!

Another positive is that since I posted my last blog (and a snapshot on Instagram) the number of spammers I have encountered has fallen drastically to zero. Which is what it should be and will hopefully continue to be!

Social Media - Followers

Every so often when I go onto Instagram or Twitter (which is very rare nowadays) some moron either messages me about "get more followers here" or tags me in a "get more followers" picture/comment. It's annoying as anything and WILL get you instantly blocked by me on any form of social media.

You see, I'm not about followers, as much as they're nice to have. I want to create interesting, meaningful content that people geniunely enjoy and can take something from. That's why I work so hard on Chuckles and Giggles, it's why I take photos of things I find interesting, beautiful or quirky, and it's why I try to experience new things and push my limits so that I can share them with my followers and give them something they can appreciate. For me, there's no point having followers that don't like what I produce, just for the sake of having followers. I don't do it to others, because I don't want stuff that I'm not interested in clogging up my feeds, and I don't see why others should do it either.

So if you're going to follow me, please do it because you geniunely like what I post and wish to see more of my randomness. It'd mean a lot more than just following me in the hope of a follow back, because honestly, I'm just not into that sort of thing.

Give me a loyal fanbase anyday!

Walking

Days without bad eating habits: 21
Feeling: Irritable, my tolerance for bullshit is very low
Anxiety Level: Ehhhhhhh...?
Activity Level: Dance twice a week, walking three times a week

I love walking. Back when I was in Oakey, every hour I'd take a walk around the building (mainly because it was cold), as well as walking to and from work. It's relaxing and lets me get out any excess energy, and being a naturally anxious/hyper person, I need to burn off as much energy as I can get.

My favourite place to walk is obviously along the Brisbane River around New Farm, Kangaroo Point, South Bank and the City. I also don't mind a quick walk around Coorparoo, although I haven't been around there for a long time, and the walking track at work is always good for getting away from the office. I plug in my earphones and settle into my own little world (and woe betide anyone who runs into me). My need for movement has gotten ten times worse since dropping the junk food and bad food habits - as I'm not in a constant food coma, I have more energy to burn off. I'm also more alert and less likely to take any rubbish from anyone - already this week I've done a mass unfriending from Facebook and bitten off a fair few heads.

Hopefully my mood will balance itself out as I start upping my activity level, otherwise I'm goig to be very, very tetchy!

Oh to be a dancer

Days without bad eating habits: 14
Feeling: I want bread and pasta
Anxiety Level: I want bread and pasta
Activity Level: Will do anything for bread and pasta

Seriously, I am craving me some carbs something baaaaaaaaaaad. Fridays are a little bit of relief, last Friday was the VIP Cricket Experience which was AMAZEBALLS, where I allowed myself a couple of party pies and some prawns and chicken (still drinking nothing but water though) and this Friday was our monthly Team Lunch (as the self-appointed Morale Officer at work, I try to get the guys out as much as possible).

The biggest thing that helps me though is my new "safe place", or Raw Connection West Coast Swing, particularly on the quieter Tuesday nights. I never thought somewhere where a lot of people get together to dance to really loud music would be somewhere safe for me, but the amazing people and the equally awesome dance style allow me some sort of relief from constantly trying to put up a brave front. Sure, I still have panic attacks at dance class (HUGE apologies to those teachers whose classes I've had to duck out of due to afforementioned attacks) but the associated guilt at having them is a lot less than at a place like work for example.

West Coast Swing is a very expressive dance style, which suits me fine. Even as a follower, there's plenty of time for you to put your own spin on the dance, especially in freestyle which is probably my most favourite thing to do ever after writing and making people laugh. The happiness I get from dance is comparable to how I feel listening to the soundtrack from the Irish Dance classic "Lord of the Dance", which to me is like being drowned in purest happiness. It's also helped me improve in other areas, like my posture (which my mother has noted is much better than it used to be). It's also one of the very, very few ways in which I can connect with other people, when you're dancing with someone it doesn't matter that they're rich, poor, neurotypical, autistic, black, white, religious, whatever.  Like I said, it's a very safe space, and my first couple of lessons completely blew me away by how open and friendly everyone is. I almost feel like I've known these people forever.

Now if I could just get my frame right...

Regret: Giving up Junk Food!

Days without bad eating habits: 7
Feeling: Look at me again and I will rip off your face and force feed it to you
Anxiety Level: High
Activity Level: Please kill me

So, just before Christmas, I got pissed off for some reason or another and decided that my junk food addiction had to go. The fact is that I was spending 80% of my time either eating or sleeping, every time I did anything (other than walking and sleeping) I had to have food with me. I tried to placate my conscience by eating cherry tomatoes or baby spinach leaves, but I couldn't ignore the fact that my eating habits were extremely unhealthy.

So I am now on a Lite 'n' Easy eating plan, and have been since Monday. I have had ZERO junk food since Friday (although the Lite 'n' Easy meal for today does include a small slab of chocolate cake - YAYNESS) and I am feeling the effects of radically changing my diet.

One of the first positives has already come through - I am sleeping so much better now that I'm not loaded with sugar when I go to bed. Another positive is that most of the food is EXCELLENT. I had a Caesar salad on Tuesday that was simply devine, and the Lamb shanks I had that night were amazing. For breakfast today I had an egg with some bacon and tomato on toast which was YUMMY and yesterdays mango yoghurt was magnificent. Of course, there were some let-downs, like the apple coleslaw (who does that, seriously) and the beef stroganof (ugh) but overall it's been great.

Of course, I can't ignore the fact that I now spend most of the day hungry because my body is trained to be eating just about all the time. The most annoying thing is, I've done this to myself and thus can't blame anyone else. Because I'm so hungry (which I'm certain is 99% psychological), my anxiety is high (I'd like to apologise to my fellow dancers at Raw Con for my panic attack last night), and I'm lacking any sort of motivation to do anything. I'm irritable and snarky, although I am trying to put on a brave face - like I said, this is entirely my own fault and those around me don't deserve to pay for my mistakes.

It's not all doom and gloom, last year I entered a competition and won VIP tickets for myself and 5 friends to the Brisbane Heat v Adelaide Strikers game at the Gabba tonight. Which means I can lend someone my membership because I won't be using it tonight. I'm looking forward to tonight, hopefully it will be a lot of fun and the Heat can bring us home one more win!

Return to the Wastelands

WARNING: A lot of negativity and references to Stephen Kings "The Dark Tower" ahead. Continue at your own risk.

So once again I find myself back in little old Oakey. For those not in the know, Oakey is a tiny little shithole about 20-30 minutes west of Toowoomba, which is a big shithole.  To be fair, these areas are great for a visit...once...but honestly, I simply cannot muster any love for these areas. The people have a tendancy to be on the horrid side (mention "gay marriage" or "alcohol in moderation" and watch what happens) and the government has completely neglected the place. Religious bigotry, domestic violence, dole bludging, alcohol/drug abuse and a complete lack of facilities abounds around here and it makes me sick. It's definitely no place for a young forward-thinking young lady with mild autism and a thirst for constant growth.

However, I suppose I should list some of the positive things about the Wastelands (as I like to refer to them). If you ever get it into your head to venture west of Gatton, make sure you do it around September when the Toowoomba Carnival of Flowers is on, when the city of Lud (Toowoomba) is at her finest. Don't bother trying to go shopping however, Grand Central is shit and Clifford Gardens is shittier. Next, you should drive through the gorgeous countryside to Oakey briefly just to check out the Army Air Museum. Then head out to the Jondaryan Woolshed before a nice drive out to the Bunya Mountains (which is the nicest place out West) before never, EVER coming back. The only reason I return is to see my family, who are still out here for various reasons.

Every time I return to this place I feel icky, and only feel better once I see the Gabba and the Brisbane River. However, my Mumsie is awesome, and I love my grandparents dearly so it's worth the trip. Just don't expect me to mix with the locals - it's not like any of them would recognise me anyway.

The Biggest Loser: Why I love the Jofres.

Before I go into this though, you're all going to go to Google for me. No questions, just go to Google. Now, type in "Chuckles and Giggles". That's right. My story is now the third entry down from the top on the FIRST PAGE if you don't mind! Plus, if you go to the Images tab, the first 3-4 pictures you see are the amazing artwork of one Thien Uncage. I did not pay one cent at all towards that placing, it's all totally organic and it means I might finally be getting somewhere (or not, I'm not sure how much "Chuckles and Giggles" gets Googled).

ANYWAY, on to this season of The Biggest Loser. Not that I was particularly fond of Fiona in season one, she was one of those annoying Red Teamers after all (I can still remember when Adro won, my family and I were so thrilled). To be honest, I haven't watched too many more seasons, mainly owing to the fact that I really don't have the attention span for television. But this year, I was drawn to three brothers who I relate to more than the other contestants (including their uncle Rob; it's not like I'm ever going to be a parent now is it? *sad face*), and those three are Pablo, Tony and Daniel Jofre.

I can easily sympathise with Pablo - it's a tough gig being the oldest, especially to siblings that seem to always be doing better than you (trust me, I know how you must feel when Tony wins everything in his path, I have a brother and two sisters who insist on doing the same thing to me). I admire his sensitivity and strength though, and what he's going through is a reminder to me that I'm the example to my siblings - sorry Pablo, we're the ones who can't afford to let ourselves go lest we drag our impressionable siblings down with us (and they never seem to stop being impressionable...).

Now on to Tony, IMO the hottie of this years contestants. At first I was angry at Tony, he'd been on his way to a pretty snazzy career as a PT and he threw it all away. Then I realised I was being a major hypocrite and cut the poor man some slack. When I was 24, I was also pretty much on top of the world - 62kgs, following my football team around the country, popular as you please. Of course, I got lazy. I didn't save money, I didn't look after my health (nothing like being a junk-food junkie) and I got arrogant with my mental health, thinking I was finally cured of autism and anxiety and that I'd never have to worry about it again. Well, didn't I find out the hard way that complacency kills. Tony at least has put in a major effort to get back to where he was, and I think it's about time I got off my arse and did the same.

It might just be my uncool big-sisterness coming out, but every time I see Daniel my protective instincts go into overdrive. He reminds me of my three younger siblings, so much potential that could go so wrong if they're not careful. I'm willing to bet both Pablo and Tony spoil him a bit, like I do to my baby sisters. Maybe I should curb that a bit...

Anyway, Team Jofre seems to be the team to hate this year, which sucks because all four of them are pretty awesome. My money is certainly on Tony to take it out. I guess it's time to quit stalling though, and take a look at myself. I've made some small starts (anyone fancy a 50km walk? Anyone? Hello? Hellooooooo?) with sticking to my writing, walking here, there and everywhere (I reckon 80% of my mental issues are solved by me walking it out. Maybe I'm not walking far enough to walk out the other 20%?) and taking up dancing (trust me, eventually I'll be writing a blog on West Coast Swing, but for now just trust me when I say it's awesome and you need to go and do it), but I really need to commit 100% to change. It's time to quit the junk food (cold turkey, apologies to my coworkers who will be suffering the wrath of my sugar-deprivation), it's time to start saving money (towards an overseas trip and maybe a train set of my own) and it's time to take my mental health a bit more seriously, which means more of those disgusting Rescue chews (UGH).

Go Team Jofre, and see you next blog (and read Chuckles and Giggles darn it!).