Bullying.

Something that makes me angry is when I go onto Facebook and see the anti-bullying messages - especially when they're paraded around by the very people who set out to make my school-life hell.

"Oh Kezz, that was back in school, nearly 10 years ago, surely you should be over it by now?"

The whole "It was in the past, they were kids" argument makes me want to strangle someone - it's usually sprouted by people who are still bullies.

First off, anyone over the age of 5 knows that bullying and making other people feel bad isn't a good thing, so you can shove that argument out of the window.  The fact that the schoolyard bullies are young should be no reason why they should be allowed to get away with it, because they soon turn into adult bullies who are infinitely worse.  One thing that drove me insane were the"anti bullying" lectures that we got - nothing about NOT bullying, but rather telling us how to defend ourselves from bullies.  Of course, all the bullies were in these lectures, so they became very redundant very quickly as bullies found new ways to torture their victims. Why aren't these lectures designed to teach children behaviours OTHER than bullying?  I don't care if you're getting abused at home, it's no reason to make MY life hell.  It's not my fault your parents are fighting all the time, it's not my fault if your parents are never home, it's not my fault you suck at school, why try and pull a power trip on an innocent victim to make yourself feel better? 

We need to teach children skills to communicate better for a start, and how to relate to one another.  Unfortunately there seems to be a great deal of parents who either are too busy to teach these skills, or are bullies themselves and encourage these destructive behaviours.  And why wouldn't you?  Bullying can be very satisfying (I should know, I used to bully my siblings a fair bit, it was one of the few ways I could get them to stay away from me) and it does make you feel stronger - at the cost of somebody elses self-esteem and feelings.  I'm willing to bet that if you asked the people who bullied at school, 90% of them would come back and say that the victim deserved it, or that they were in some way justified in doing it. 

Parents have a responsibility to make sure their children aren't bullies.  Very few of them actually do this.  No one wants to believe their child is a bully, and most parents defend their children instead of stepping back and trying to resolve the situation (and we wonder why people have superiority complexes).  Or worse still, they believe the victim deserves it and reinforce the behaviour in their own child.

If there are any schoolchildren reading this, I ask you this - have you said something mean to one of your schoolmates recently (either in person or on social media)?  Have you gone out of your way to make someone else feel bad?  Why?  What gives you the right to hurt another person just to make yourself feel better?  I don't care if they're different, you're better than that.

Vaccines don't cause Autism. REALLY?

During my lunch break yesterday, I stumbled across this news link.  Another research done debunking the myth that vaccines cause autism.

So I spoke to my Mumsie yesterday, who got all three of her children immunised.  Apparently I had the same reaction to vaccines as my siblings, which was feeling a bit crook and having a bit of a temperature.  If vaccines really were the cause of my Aspergers, then wouldn't my siblings have also been affected?  As it stands, my two older siblings are much more socially integrated and typical than what I am.  Part of me feels guilty that I haven't been able to be the optimal big sister to them, and I wonder sometimes if that also has had an impact on them.

In fact, in my case, there's definitely a case for Autism and Aspergers being genetic.  I have three siblings - one who has the same parents (non-autistic male), one who shares my mother (non-autistic female) and one who shares my father (autistic female).  It makes me wonder too if my brother could be a carrier for an Autistic gene, and whether that's something he's going to have to think about.

Even if Autism was caused by vaccines, would you really prefer your children dead or seriously ill over Autistic?  There's a lot of support out there for Autistic families, such as:

www.wrongplanet.net
www.autismqld.com.au
www.autismsa.org.au
www.autismspeaks.org

meaning that Autism, while certainly not optimal, doesn't have to be the sentence it once was.  Yes, it might mean you end up with a child whose lifes ambition is to serve on the Brisbane Lions cheersquad and have as many cats as physically possible, it might mean you end up with a child who can't speak but who is obsessed with dinosaurs who eventually becomes a archaeologist, or a child who simply makes it by.  But then again, there are children without personality disorders who go on to do those things too, so in the end does it really make a difference? 

End of an Era

I just checked my email after getting home and saw one that gave me a little bit of a shock and made me feel a bit sad.  The publishing site Helium is going down.  I didn't get very far with Helium, although I posted a few articles on there (mainly creative writing).  Probably my best work was The Bridge, which was a bit morbid but I was feeling very morbid when I wrote it one day after taking a stroll over the Storey Bridge in Brisbane.  Another I wrote under the "Suicide and Anxiety" tag in an atempt to try and convey the sense of helplessness that anxiety brings is one I simply call "Abigail". Unfortunately after December this year the site will be taken down - I'll probably give these two a bit more of a polish and post them here (eventually).  Everything else I wrote in an attempt to diversify is pretty much rubbish, and best avoided.

It was my experience with Helium and a book I wrote titled "Chuckles and Giggles" which made me realise I am simply not cut out to be an author, no matter how much I love writing and how much it has been my dream since I was little.  I don't have the patience nor the talent to make a decent go of it, so sadly I've had to put that dream aside forever. Journalism was my next step, but getting into Uni to study would have been expensive, not to mention there are plenty of journalists out there and competition would be stiff.  It's not all sad though, even though I'll never write a well-loved and influential book, I do have this blog which seems to be getting a bit of attention, even though it's mainly a mix up of societial issues, music/book reviews and footy rage.

However, there is one young lady I know who is making a go of it and doing very well.  Morgan Burley is one of my sister Meagans school friends, who is working her way to publishing a book.  It's great to see her taking advantage of social media and working hard to make her dream come true - be sure to check her out, she's even gotten a mention in teen magazine Girlfriend.  Hopefully she keeps going and gets to where she wants to be in the end - don't give up MJ, just keep going and don't let anything stop you!

Speaking of Facebook pages, although a lot of you probably already follow me on Twitter, I've set up a Facebook page in the hope that the kinder Facebook interface will allow discussion to flow from whatever I write, and hopefully find out some of the random people who look in on my blog - give us a like and let's see how we go!

Anxiety

"What have you got to be anxious about?"
"Look at everything you have going for you!"
"Get over it!"

Anxiety can be a good thing in small doses.  That gut feeling you get when something isn't quite right, worrying about an exam, angsting over a problem - these will make you anxious, but the important thing is that anxiety should go away after the problem is resolved.

For some of us, it never goes away.

What are we anxious about?  Things that everyone else takes for granted - going to the shop, going to work, ringing someone on the phone, opening the door when someone knocks on it.

If you don't suffer from anxiety, you're probably wondering WTF? But if you can tell me how I can stop my heart rate from doubling every time I have to go to the shop, if you can stop my brain from releasing the chemicals that gives me the feeling of dread every time the boss calls me into his office (I can't even remember the last time I got in trouble) then please, tell me so these horrible feelings can stop.

No one has full control over their mind.  Everyone has a sub-conscious that seems to have a will of its own. And for some of us that means everlasting anxiety, depression and for some a complete lack of control of their own bodies. 

You can learn to manage it.  You can learn to breathe deeply and calmly to control your bodies reactions.  You can avoid situations that you know will make the situation worse.  You can learn to avoid substances like alcohol or caffiene which have a negative effect on your health.

But it's always there.  And it builds.  And builds.  At least a few times a week I overload.  It's nothing drastic, and I usually calm myself.  Sometimes overloads can even be enjoyable, like at the footy where I'm allowed to be fully Autistic and scream and cheer and jump and clap to my hearts content.  Everyone once in a while I'll have a panic attack, usually resulting in a day off work and me being rather upset. 

And then, maybe once or twice a year, I'll have a full-blown Autistic meltdown.  It happens when I'm at panic attack stage, and something minute that I've built up in my head goes wrong and suddenly I'm in trouble.

It hurts.  It feels like an andrenaline rush right under your skin, so painful that any contact will burn.  Touch me when I'm in this state and you WILL get bitten (and I have fangs, so watch out!).  It gets into your chest.  You can't breathe.  It's in your MIND.  You have to get it out.  You smash yourself against anything, you try and crack your own head open to try and relieve the pressure.  You're confused, scared and hurting.  And then after a minute or two of thrashing, smacking yourself, attacking anyone who comes near, you're out of energy.  And you can barely move.  This is the worst part as you can still feel the pressure, but now you don't have the energy to try and get some relief.  You're scared.  Eventually, it all wears off, you pick yourself up and you move on.

This isn't all in my head.  This is a very real physical problem I have.  That many people have.  It's not rational.  We feel these emotions whether they're warranted or not.  We can't change it anymore than we can change our DNA.  Please, I know a lot of people are well-intentioned, but as irrational as it is our anxiety is real.  Please don't invalidate it because the situation doesn't call for it.  Be there, hug us, talk to us, be calm for us. 

To everyone out there like me who suffers from Aspergers and anxiety (and even depression), this is for you.  It's hard, but we can all get through it.

Kind of explains why I love Sonic the Hedgehog so much really...

"If you have time to worry, then run!"

My favourite book(s)

I love reading.  My two favourite books of all time are "Little Women" and "Good Wives", which are both usually lumped together under the "Little Women" title and are by Lousia May Alcott.  Most girls LOVE these books -they're well-written, they're romantic, and they're good to snuggle down with.  But they are also filled with lessons, many of which still apply today (remember Meg going to the Moffats? Jo nearly losing Amy because of her temper? Lessons about being true to yourself and not letting your temper get the better of you are lessons that most people would do well to remember today).  However, the thing I notice about the people who love these books (particularly the younger girls) are two things which I think are important to address:

1. They worship Jo and often discount her sisters.
2. They think Laurie and Jo should have been together.

Let's look at the first point.  All four March sisters are incredible women, who each had to grow into themselves and into the people who were fit enough to live out their hopes and dreams. Meg had to learn not to be so precious and to work hard, Jo had to learn to come down from the clouds and realise that she has duties and responsibilities, Beth had to learn courage to overcome her shyness, and Amy had to learn humility.

Meg was the oldest, and could still remember a time when her father was rich.  As such, she still yearned for the trappings of rich society, such as silks, servants etc.  She soon learnt that hard work is it's own reward, and married John, a man who would never be rich but who would keep Meg comfortable.  All Meg had to do was learn to pull beside him.

Jo was wild, stubborn and untamed.  She didn't gel well with other people, and it cost her a trip of a lifetime to the "Old Country" in Europe.  She had to learn to carry herself with dignity and grace, how to keep her temper, and how to interact with people.  She learnt these lessons so well that she not only became a better author, but became a teacher in her own Bhaergarten.

Beth was so shy she wouldn't even go to the Laurences to play the beautiful grand piano that she so longed to play until promises were made that she would never see anyone in the house.  While never become a social creature, she soon worked up enough courage to make old Mr. Laurence a beautiful pair of slippers which not only won her a piano of her own, but a dear friend she had all her life.

Amy was spoilt rotten, and would have been a snob if not for having to learn humility the hard way.  One of my favourite scenes is where she gets shafted by the Chesters at the fair.  What does she do? Turn the other cheek, and wins the respect of many.  She even gets to go to Europe because she has learnt to refine her manners so that she can still be polished without being stuck-up.

Each of the sisters has something special to offer us, and had their own demons to overcome.  So while I can understand where the Jo worship comes from, I think that by focusing only on Jo you lose the good qualities of the other three.

The second point is the Jo/Laurie pairing.  I'm sorry, but anyone who thinks these two were a good match is either a complete nitwit or has never experienced a relationship where you were too similar.  My ex and I were both prone to flash tempers, and anger tends to feed off anger.  It's easy to be scathing and mean when the person you are arguing with is also angry.  Next time I think I'll try and find a man who is more mellowed out and less prone to being angry - much like Jo and Laurie did.  Laurie found Amy, who was far too well-bred and classy to lower herself into an argument, and Jo found the Professor, who was too wise for a temper.

Just two things I have noticed about the fandom of my favourite book.

I was also looking at the team selection for the Lions game against Port on Saturday, and I was thrilled to see Nick Robertson listed.  I can't wait to see "Robbo" make his debut, hopefully his hardness at the ball is something that will translate from the NEAFL into the AFL - we desperately need it! 

Mining and Australias Natural Beauty

I was talking to my good mate Garry (with two "R"s) at work today and subject turned to one of my favourite places in the world - the Bunya Mountains.  Seriously, if you haven't been to the Bunyas you need to go.  My favourite place there is easily the Dandabah Picnic Area and Camping Ground, with its cute little corner store, museum, resturant, lolly shop and easy access to most of the walking tracks through the beautiful rainforest.  It's like something out of a Final Fantasy game (VIII and/or IX if you want to be specific).

Surrounding the Bunyas is gorgeous, scenic countryside, dotted with trees, homesteads, hills...it's an amazing trip.  Except for one thing - mining.

If you go the back way out of Oakey past the Army Base and towards Maclagan and Quinalow, it's a much easier and more enjoyable drive if you can just ignore the whooping big eyesore that is the Acland Coal Mine.  If you go via the dreadful Warrego Highway, you get to go through the very interesting Jondaryan - with whooping big hills of coal piled up ready to be shipped back through Oakey.  UGH!

Now don't get me wrong, I understand that mining creates jobs and brings money into a community.  But imagine you're walking home from work one day, and as you walk under the bridge a great big coal train barrels past, spewing dust from its uncovered load of coal (I bet that's doing everyones lungs wonders).  Imagine you're a farmer, fighting with these mining companies to keep land that's more than likely been in your family for generations, and that you've worked so hard to maintain.  Imagine you're the cops, arresting a miner who's gotten pissed with his huge wage and started a fight with the locals.  Mining could be a great thing for the small town of Oakey and its surrounds, but the mining companies aren't doing their bit.  The roads that their miners use to get to work are still rubbish, they refuse for some stupid reason to cover their loads (how hard would it be to throw a tarp or something over it?!) and they leave horrid eyesores all over the once magnificent countryside.  I'm sorry, but I can't support mining in the Darling Downs.

In other news, once-Lion now demon Mitch Clark has announced his retirement.  I really feel for the bloke and his issues with injury and mental illness.  Hopefully he can get himself back on his feet and start to enjoy life again.  Puts this mornings scare into perspective a bit.

If you want to visit the Bunya Mountains, information can be found here and here.  Please don't be put off by the mines, the fact is once you get past them then it's a gorgeous drive, plus towns like the aforementioned Maclagan and Quinalow are interesting stops too.

When your brain won't listen

You might notice the time I've posted this (then again, I don't really pay attention to how Google timestamps these things) is 4.30ish in the morning.  "WTF are you doing up blogging that early?" you might ask.

Because I have just spent the last half an hour in terror.  In that horrible little zone between sleep and being awake, when my sub-conscious is still active and boy is my sub-conscious freaky.  I suppose it's my own fault, yesterday I watched a creepypasta vid (seriously, who the fuck thinks these things up? You should be ashamed of yourself!), plus was showed a "Every death from Game of Thrones in 10 minutes" video (and I never watch GoT for a very good reason) and my brain is probably still digesting it, but when you want to think of pleasant things but your mind can only churn up freaky red eyes and sharp teeth it's scary.  I was too terrified to close my eyes, even though I'm exhausted and can barely keep them open now.

There are people in this world who just can't do scary stuff, and I'm one of them.  Unfortunately there are people who see this as cowardice and who will probably have a good laugh at my expense - I hope they NEVER have to spend the half an hour I just did, trapped in my own mind which had turned against me.  Which is why when I was able I turned on my lamp and have spent a good 15 minutes watching footy videos.  I'm SO going to be a zombie at work today.

Sonic's really the only creepypasta I can handle, mainly due to the fact that

he's my hero and my brain simply cannot compute that he could be scary...

unless you steal his chilli dogs.

Domestic Violence and why victim blaming is ridiculous

This post goes out to two of the strongest women I know - my best friend "sister" Emma and her mother Rhonda.  For years they have been fighting against the terror and the stigma of domestic violence, trying to raise awareness and provide hope with their annual Butterfly Ball (held in honour of Emma's late aunt Noelene)

For anyone not aware, click here to read about Joe Hildebrands comments on Studio 10 this morning.  What disturbs me is the comments on the story, the two themes that really stick out are:

"Why do women get into these relationships?"
"Why do women stay? Surely if they want to protect their children they'll leave!"

The answer to the second one is so simple I can't believe that the nongs asking it don't see it - they're staying because they're afraid that if they leave, the abuser will take revenge using the children.  Luke Batty is only one example.  What about poor Darcey Freeman, whose father threw her off the Westgate Bridge?  Or poor Jai, Tyler and Bailey, whose father drove them into a dam and drowned them?  If the abused (male or female) try to leave, they risk their children being hurt or killed in retaliation.  It's the perfect way to keep the abused under the abusers control.

So how do women get into these situations in the first place?  I'm sure we've all heard of the boiling frog, you put a frog into boiling water it will jump right out, but put it in cool water then let the water slowly heat and the frog will boil to death?  An extremely simplistic way of looking at it really.

Abusers probably don't set out to abuse.  The unfortunately reality is they have dreams too, and the only way they see their dream coming true is by controlling another human being.  They equate "control" with "love" which is just not true at all.  I'm not trying to excuse or pardon them, but I'm trying to show how easy it is to fall into abusive habits - anyone can abuse.  Someone can appear friendly and kind, but as you get to know them they slowly start to try and control you.  Abuse is one form of control and it's easy to do - I should know, I am guilty of abusive behaviours myself.

I am an extremely jealous person, and I pine for those I get attached to when I'm not with them.  100% my problem to deal with, but in my last relationship I didn't.  I took it out on my ex by making accusations and trying to make him miserable while he was away because I felt miserable, and I felt that he didn't love me if he was able to have fun and be happy away from me.  I had no right to try and bring him down, it was me trying to control him through abuse and I'm ashamed of how I behaved. 

"Oh, we all make mistakes."  Yes, we do.  And we're willing to forgive others for their mistakes.  But abusers learn how to make little mistakes that on the surface are forgivable, but slowly erode the confidence and esteem of the victim, and then escalate to keep the abused under control.

Everyone is capable of being abused, and everyone is capable of being an abuser, and many people can be both at the same time.  The way to fix this is not to blame the victim for getting into the mess in the first place, or not being strong enough to escape the situation, but to educate, educate, educate! Model behaviours that you believe to make good, strong relationships, try to weed out any behaviours you know you are guilty of (and all of us have them!), and if you see someone in a bad situation, be there for them - you could save the lives of innocent children.

Domestic violence affects all of us.

Fears

Anyone who knows me (i.e. all of you) will know I love a good conspiracy - and I love coming up with them.

So, let me unfurl my latest beauty involving Carlton, Collingwood, Mick Malthouse, Eddie McGuire and a 100-year grudge.

You see, Carlton were going places under Brett Ratten, and Collingwood only had a limited premiership window (as do most teams, unless you're Geelong).  Naturally, Eddie couldn't stomach the thought of Carlton getting ahead of the Pies, so he set in motion a plan.  He created the plan where Miserable Mick would leave Collingwood, looking like a very attractive coaching option for Carlton, who would NEVER pass up the chance to get one on Collingwood.  So, now Carlton have gotten rid of a favourite son (I wondered where the Lions got the idea from) for a coach who probably won't do much for them, and Collingwood now have the chance to one-up them.  And he would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for that silly Nathan Buckley being a spud.  Actually...yeah, you're right, no Collingwood supporter is THAT smart.

Anyway.  Today I had to deal with one of my worst fears - stairs.  I hate stairs, I always feel like I'm going to fall, and it's 10x worse in bad weather like the constant rain we're having at the moment.  Anyway, I tripped up on some stairs and completely freaked out.  I'm not sure how other people on the Autistic Spectrum deal when they freak out, but I feel it with my whole body, sometimes for up to an hour afterwards, every nerve on edge and stinging, my heart hurting (I'm talking a dull chest ache) and breathing difficult.  It makes it hard to think, which means my well-practised social skills go haywire.  I used to call it the adrenaline ache, as it felt like an adrenaline hit in my knuckles.  Most times I can recover in an hour or so, but there are times when it compounds and turns into a dreaded panic attack or meltdown, which I really DON'T feel like describing right now.  Still, I very, VERY rarely have them nowadays, which I am exceedingly thankful for :3.

The only real cure for these attacks seems to be the most ridiculous thing in the world, but funnily enough it works - footy.  A good game of Aussie Rules Football, especially if my Lions are involved, is a great way to unwind and calm down.  Speaking of which, this Richmond/Carlton game is getting rather spiteful.  Never been a fan of spiteful games, with stupid frees and reports being handed out like lollies.  Give me a real tussle any day of the week where both opponents just want to win.