Don't get me wrong - it's taken a LOT of work to get to this stage, and still sometimes there's that nagging doubt in the back of my head. However, the voice is getting quieter all the time, as I find out things about myself that are pretty awesome. When you're stuck in the bowels of depression it's really hard to find anything good about yourself, so when you DO finally have that self-respect and self-love, that's when you need to start putting aside some of those good feelings for the times that you'll need them. Things like songs, videos, games, memories and even lists of good things are all the sorts of things that you'll be grateful for when that black dog comes around again. Trust me, there's always a chance that it'll come back. I already have some great memories stored away (check my blogs on Swingsation) and Spotify is a great resource for hoarding those songs that make you feel good. I also have my list of reasons I want to be alive (which has the names of all of those people precious to me) and now I'm going to internalise and find some reasons why other people would want me to be alive.
5. I'm loyal to a fault
Show me any sort of kindness and I am yours for life. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends, and I'd do just about anything for them. Hurt one of them, and I'm sure I'll find some way to make you pay. Friends become like family to me so easily, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
4. I don't give up easily
It would have been so easy to run away from Swingsation after the first panic attack. It would have been so easy to quit my job and return to Oakey after my breakdown and subsequent depression. It'd be so easy to give up West Coast Swing because it does get really hard. But I'm not going to give up, I'm never going to give up and I'm going to continue to try my best and give it my all!
3. I'm a damned good writer
And a good dancer too come to think of it. Who doesn't love creative energy? I try to use my ability as a writer to try and make the world a better place, by trying to make people believe the good in themselves and sharing my experiences to hopefully stop people from making the same mistakes I did. This blog is just one example.
2. I'm intelligent
My psych has often commented on my high intelligence. I love thinking and I love ideas and figuring things out about the world. I love learning too, although sometimes I'm a bit slower than everyone else once I have a concept I'm not letting it go!
1. I'm fucking hilarious
Well, at least I think so! There is no greater feeling in the Universe than making someone laugh, especially if they're feeling down. The sound of laughter is the most magical sound in the world, the most powerful sound in the world, and it'll be laughter that saves the world.
So now when life decides to be a bitch and try and get me down, I now have another list I can refer back to to help me get back up again. Even if you don't have a history of mental illness, it pays to have something (or lots of somethings) that remind you of the good in you, and in everyone else.
My List Of Reasons I Want To Be Alive
NICE!!!!!
ReplyDeletedarth is very honored to have made a recent appearance on that list.
ReplyDeleteso good to see you write a post like this, though i am sure the people on that list could all come up with many more reasons we like about you and why we are glad to have you as a part of our life; even if you do support the lions!