Saturday, 28 March 2015

Fixing Pokémon

Sorry about the delay between blogs, but first my electricity went for a few days, now my Internet is gone (thankfully Vodafone have one-off top-ups for their data, otherwise my phone bill would be through the roof.  An extra $20 beats an extra $500 any day!).

Anyway, those of you who follow me on Instagram will know that I'm currently going through Pokémon Silver again.  Overall, it and its remake are my favourite Pokémon games. For a start, it's the Generation that has my favourite starter (which evolves into my all-time favourite Pokémon) Chikorita, plus Silver is the version where you can get Vulpix, which is in my top 6 favourite Pokémon (along with Bayleef, Gyrados, Geodude, Pidgeot and Ampharos).

However, everyone is waiting for that ultimate Pokémon game that rounds everything up and is perfect in every way.  With the amount of processing power the New 3DS and the Wii U have, I reckon the time is ripe for this amazing game.  That being said, here is what I think would make the perfect Pokémon game:

1. Bring back the Pokémon that follows you

In fact, why can't we scrap PokéBalls altogether and just have them roam around with you? Yes, there will be times when you need to put the Pokémon away for a bit, but keeping them locked up 24/7 in there tiny little prisons just seems cruel.

2. Get rid of Self-Destruct and Expolsion

Anyone who uses these moves is a monster and is no friend of mine.  Disgusting moves.

3. Choose your starting region

And then have all the regions unlockable as you progress through the game.

4. Better Pokémon Amie mini-games

Seriously, Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby - MASSIVE FAIL.

5. No more versions!

Seriously, I don't want to have to buy two copies of the same game just so I can complete my PokéDex!

Sunday, 22 March 2015

Disgusting, vile VULTURES!

If a puppy got hit by a truck chasing cars, how many people would be outraged if that was taped and replayed while morons speculate on what sort of damage was done to the puppy?  Anyone with any sort of conscience you say?  Then why the hell do we allow it for sports people?!

I'm currently watching the GWS vs Swans NAB Cup game (and trying to swallow down the vomit, I swear I'm trying my best to support them but it's so hard!) and poor Lance Franklin has gotten a nasty knock to the head. Suddenly the game is forgotten in the speculation of what sort of grisly injury Buddy has.  The incident gets replayed ad nauseum and cameras are nearly trying to get into the ambulance as he's taken away for scans.  I certainly hope he's okay.

Now, young Will Hoskin-Elliot has hurt his shoulder.  I counted no less than FOUR slow-motion replays of the collision, not to mention the constant "Is it a shoulder, has he broken his ribs?" before having a good old chuckle over their guesses when the camera shows the poor boy on the bench with ice on his shoulder.

YOU DISGUSTING PIGS.  I don't know if you've NOTICED, but that is a HUMAN BEING who has been HURT and is in PAIN, and you're LAUGHING?!  A living, breathing creature has been injured and all you can do is speculate and watch again and again?!

It's not just AFL either, you watch any sport and I'll bet any money if a player gets injured they'll replay the incident again and again, looking for the EXACT moment that the injury occurred, just for shits and giggles.  The only person who should be worried about that footage is a doctor so he can correctly diagnose and repair the damage.  I am sick of the lack of respect that people are shown when they are sick or injured.  Yes, I understand people are curious and like to know that their favourite sports people are okay.  I have no problem with people wishing the best for those who are sick or injured.  I have a BIG issue with showing these incidents just for a ratings grab and something to talk about.

Especially when I'm TRYING to watch a game!

Saturday, 14 March 2015

Final Boss Music - my opinion

One of my favourite games of all time is "Land of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse" for the Sega Master System.  The boss music and the castle theme in particular are my favourite parts.  Of course, the game completely messes it up at the end, with the Phantoms Castle having some very shoddy music and the final boss theme being forgettable compared to the main boss theme.  The main boss theme gets me all pumped up to kick some backside (even though due to repetition I can now beat nearly all the bosses in my sleep, except for that god-forsaken Crab at the end of the Sand Castle!) whereas the final boss theme is kinda pale in comparison.

Funnily enough, its prequel, "Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse" gets it right in my opinion. The boss just before the final boss has a rather, well, lacklustre music whereas the final boss has the awesome regular boss music which is a lot faster paced and gets you in the mood for battling.

A lot of games do this horrible thing where they have awesome battle/boss music, but then decide to go for something "epic" to finish the game.  Note to game developers - this only works if the final boss music actually gets you in the mood to battle!  The Final Fantasy games are NOTORIOUS for this, I can't even remember the final boss music to Final Fantasy 8, yet I listen to the regular boss theme regularly on the way to work.  Final Fantasy 7 is the same, "One Winged Angel" is great if you're just wanting to chill out, but it doesn't really get me pumped the same way the main boss theme does.  The original Pokémon games suffer this too, the main battle theme being better than both the Gym Leader theme and the final battle theme.

In fact, the only game I can really think of that does final boss music well is "Sonic 3 and Knuckles", provided you DON'T get all of the Chaos Emeralds, because that theme while you're fighting 'Botnik in space kinda blows.  There are 3 different boss themes, the first act boss theme from Sonic 3, which is awesome (anyone who's listened to the Knuckles Rap knows what I'm talking about), the first act boss from Sonic and Knuckles (which is meh) and the second act boss battle theme which is downright awesome.

As far as I'm concerned, music is a major part of the game, and if I don't enjoy the music, I won't enjoy the game as much.  If you're going to do final boss music, it had better be on par or better than the regular boss music or I will be quite annoyed.

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Caffeine. Do we REALLY need it everywhere?!

I used to LOVE Mountain Dew.  It was the nectar of the gods, the drink to end all drinks, the ultimate in thirst quenching.  Then they added caffeine, and made the new caffeinated version the only version you could get.

I simply can NOT handle caffeine.  It spikes my anxiety and leaves me depressed.  Last time I had caffeine was when I was doing my first work trip to Rockhampton, and even a cup of tea every morning seriously messed me up (of course it didn't help that some of the people I was working with didn't really get along and the fact that the position in Brisbane that I'd been promised had been given to someone else when I had given up the inaugural Lions Hall Of Fame ceremony to work towards my transfer - me, bitter? Nah).  So why the obsession with adding caffeine to everything?

I can't go anywhere without seeing caffeine advertising or hearing about how everyone NEEDS caffeine.  My co-workers worship coffee, my Instagram feed is full of empty coffee cups, energy drinks are everywhere and even your average iced coffee is now boasting having extra caffeine. Thankfully my friends are of the non-judgemental type, so I can still go out for a "coffee" and enjoy a hot white chocolate or a milkshake, but there are some people who look at you weird if you even think of ordering a decaf (which still has a nasty caffeine content still!).  It's almost as bad as peoples obsession with alcohol (and don't get me started on how I'd love to ban that too!).

Look, have your caffeine addiction.  Nurture it, enjoy it, share it with other addicts.  But please, can't I at least have my Mountain Dew back?!

Pretty please?

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

My Top 5 Players of 2015

Given that Joel Patfull has left the Lions, he has forfeited his title as "Kerryn's Favouritist Player Ever" (at least until he retires).  So it's only fitting that I find a new favourite or five. Enjoy!

5. Daniel Rich

I have often said that when this man dies they should cut off his magical left foot and put it on a display in a museum somewhere after using it to save the world.  Bursting onto the scene in 2009, this midfielder-cum-defender is our answer to the age old problem of getting from point D to point F. Sure, he needs to learn to shake a tag (no Taylor Swift references please) but his leadership and class make him a great addition to the Lions.  Not to mention the hair.  I reckon there's a fair few girls out there who would LOVE to see "Bam-Bam" do a Lions TV show on haircare.

4. Jed Adcock

The former skipper of the Lions (and personally, I think he should still be skipper), Jed was ALWAYS going to be Captain of the Lions at some point.  His quiet leadership and hardness at the ball make him indispensable as a leader of the Club, even if he does have the odd skill fade.  Easily one of my favourite Jed moments is when he kicked the Captains Goal against Geelong back in that legendary 2013 game that most Lions fans still hang their hat on (due to the fact we really didn't have a big comeback win in 2014 against a top 4 side.  Leppa needs to get on to that).  Jed is proof that you don't have to be loud and proud to be a great leader, which is an inspiration to us quieter types.

3. Matt Maguire

Speaking of inspirations, who DOESN'T love this guy?! After a devastating broken leg against the Eagles in 2006 while he was still playing with the Saints, "Goose" found his way to the Lions at the end of 2009.  He's since become one of our most valuable defenders, and a wonderful personality around the Club (just watch his "A Brew With Goose" segment on Lions TV).  It's a great story of how a guy can come back from an injury which pretty much kept him out of the game for a few years.

2. Daniel Merrett

Speaking of characters, "Sauce" has enough character for the entire team!  Sure, his 2014 was forgettable, but prior to that he made his name as a great defender who could easily plug up holes up forward (just goes to show how easy being a forward is).  The "Rusty Fist" is legend at the Club for saving more goals than one can count, as well as having an aggressive streak to rival that of the most precious forwards.  Although one of my favourite moments, I was unfortunately sitting up at the Essendon end of Etihad Stadium when he took out whatshisface in 2013 - as I have often mentioned, I was terrified that the Essendon fans were going to kill me in retribution!  Another great leader at the Club, and another great guy to have around the place.

1. Justin Clarke

Speaking of fearing death from Essendon fans, another one of my favourite moments is when Justin made his presence known against that guy from the Dons - he quickly became my second-favourite after that, thus naturally he was going to take the top spot when that other bloke left.  The future of the Brisbane Lions defence, he's started his career well and looks to keep on going.  A lovely young South Australian as well as intelligent, I can easily see a few premierships and AA nominations coming for Justin. However I also would LOVE to see back-to-back Club Championships.  It's a thing I have.

Yes, all my favourites are either defenders or have played in defence.  Let's face it, the Mens Club is the best part of the team!

Sunday, 8 March 2015

Top Five Games I'm looking forward to in the AFL 2015 season.

Yes, the post title is long.

Anyway, now that I've gotten my footy fix (and yes, I slapped my fist into my hand and crossed my arms when I typed that) and watched a few games, I'm more than ready for the season proper. BRING ON ROUND ONE!

5. Western Derbys/Showdowns/Q-Clashes/Battles of the Bridge

I'm pretty excited this year, thanks to Judas Joel Patfull racking off to the Giants I've gotten a three-game membership for them, and one of the games I'm going to aim for is the Battle of the Bridge.  I LOVE Q-Clashes (although I'm going to miss Q-Clash 8 for reasons I'll go into later), not to mention the hype around Derbys and Showdowns is so great that even those who don't support the involved teams get a little pumped.  There's just something about fighting to be the dominant team in your state, the team that is FOR your state, that adds a little extra meat to the game, and I can't wait to see how it gets played out in another state (plus I've always had a bit of a hatred of Sydney for some reason, whether it's because of the trauma of my youth or because they just keep beating us is up for debate). For the record though, QUEENSLAND BELONGS TO THE LIONS!  Feck off scums.

4. Round 4, Essendon vs Collingwood

I'm sure you've all read my post talking about what we were doing 100 years ago.  ANZAC Day is in my opinion the single most important day of the year for all Australians.  Especially two lots of Australians who loathe each other with every fibre of their being (and yet funnily enough I've heard of Essendon/Collingwood marriages that have actually worked.  I'm now a little less shocked that Pakistan beat South Africa last night on reflection). This year will have a little extra spice due to the whole drug saga (if the AFL were serious about punishing Essendon they'd take the game at the MCG on ANZAC Day off them and give it to a more deserving team.  Like St. Kilda for instance - joking!). If Essendon win, it will be unbearable as the media go on and on about how "brave" the players have been in the face of all this (self-inflicted) adversity and that they're a shining beacon of hope to us all. On the other hand, if Collingwood win, it will be unbearable. Because Collingwood.

3. Round 1, Hawthorn vs Geelong

Anyone else work with a rabid Geelong fan who hates Hawthorn more than anything?  So much fun. Anyhoo, rabid Cats aside, these two teams put on one heck of a show when they get together, with both teams being highly skilled and classy. They're always close, passionate affairs, and for a while there we had the "Kennetts Curse" thing to add a little extra curiosity to these games.  Thankfully we only have to wait until round one for this fiery encounter, and hopefully it will be another cracking match.

2. Round 20, GWS vs Essendon

Joelly's 200th! Yes, this is the reason I will be missing Q-Clash 8 (unless Joel misses a game or something, but I don't see that happening.  He's only missed one game in the past three years) and the Giants better give Joel the best 200th game ever (especially as the Lions had a habit of losing all of Joel's milestone matches, although I will argue that his 100th was actually a win that we didn't get due to the dodgiest umpiring since McBurney (I WILL NEVER LET THAT GO)) and have a big win over Essendon. It's a great milestone for the Port reject who turned out to be a brilliant defender and a multiple Club Champion (which he'll be adding to this year no doubt).

And the Number One game is...

Oh come on!  There could only be ONE!  ROUND One!  I'm a freaking LIONS fan, and EVERY Lions fan is salivating for the clash against Collingwood!  We're all hyped-up after nabbing the older of the two Beams Brothers completing our collection (although losing Jack Crisp in the process still smarts.  What a brave young man who would play for the Filth if it would benefit the Lions!).  Ever since 2002 and 2003 these two teams have hated each other with a passion that leaks off the footy field.  Eddie McMotormouth has done everything in his power to try and destroy the Lions and football in Queensland in general (and I reckon if he succeeds there then he'll try to ruin the state just for spite) but guess what? WE'RE STILL HERE and last time we met WE BEAT THE EVERLIVING SNOT OUT OF 'EM!  We were also one of the few teams to beat them in 2010 so neh.

So those are the five games I'm looking forward to this year.  I reckon 2015 is going to be a great year (provided Essendon don't ruin it again) and I can't wait for the season to start!

Saturday, 7 March 2015

Why I get so mad when footy players act up

Oh Karmichael.  Why?  You're a star in THREE codes, why would you do something that you KNOW is illegal and risk it all?

Or Essendon with their stupid drug saga.  Or players who treat fans like dirt.  They all piss me off no end, and it makes me hate them with a passion.


When I was six/seven years old, I loved Tony Lockett.  I wanted so badly to be a big power forward too, and play in a Grand Final and kick the winning goal.  Of course, there was one big glaring problem.  It was pretty upsetting when it was pointed out to me.  That's right, you guessed it - I'm female.  No matter how hard I trained, no matter how good I got, I was never going to be able to live my dream and play footy alongside my favourite players (I think it was about that time too that I decided defenders were much cooler than forwards anyway, and I ditched Sydney for the Lions. YAY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA!).  It was upsetting then and it still irks me now, especially when the men (not boys, MEN) who have been granted the privilege that I was denied due to the wrong sperm getting through abuse said privilege by behaving like animals and spoilt brats and defend it under the "boys will be boys" mantra.

Do you KNOW what I would have given to have that same privilege?! To have been able to aim for being picked up by an AFL Club?  Sure, there were plenty of other sports I could have gone for (and let's face it, even if I trained the house down I'd never be any chop at any of them anyway) but Aussie Rules has always been my favourite sport.  Even if I had been the best of the best, I'd never have a chance at playing at the MCG on the last Saturday in September.  I'd never have the opportunity to lift up the Premiership Cup, or win the Norm Smith Medal or the Brownlow or the Merrett-Murray Medal.  And these players, these ungrateful FOOLS, they flaunt it, they make a mockery of it, they take it for granted.

Now, I know not all players are like this.  A lot of them are pretty decent human beings and actually use the brains they were given.  However when the idiots start, it's hard not to get angry.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015


AS the Bail Nine Duo live their last few days a common argument I seem to be hearing is "What of the people who would have died because of the drugs they were bringing?".

It's got me thinking, especially since I just released chapter 34 of Chuckles and Giggles, "Since I Lost You" (named after the song by Genesis) in which Belle Masters and her friend Webster Schnider discuss Tate Markington, who if you remember was responsible for the destruction of Pleasantville University.  After Tates suicide, her wealth from the mighty business empire she amassed has been left to cancer research, the Defence force, and other charities as stated in her Will.  Webster argues that even though Tate did a very evil thing by having the Uni destroyed, she still did so many good things in her life and that she wasn't a bad person.  Belle disagrees, saying that her deed could have killed many people.

So, when is a bad deed forgiven?  CAN a bad deed be forgiven?  Is redemption ever possible for those who murder, rape, steal?  Can someone who brutally murdered a friend, for example, go on to redeem themselves by working for others and saving other lives during the rest of their lives?  Or is it a case of never forgive or forget?

I've read a few articles on the duo, and their work after being incarcerated.  Taking away the emotion of "the people who could have died from the drugs", the facts seem to be that these men have seemed to have turned a new leaf and are now helping others to find a new path in life, possibly saving others.  If someone could objectively say that these men had saved x amount of lives, would people consider them redeemed?  Or are there just some crimes that no matter how hard someone tries to make things right, they will never be able to be forgiven?

It's definitely something that will come up again in later chapters of Chuckles and Giggles.