Friday, 30 October 2015

The Curse of the Writer

Oh I do love passing on curses. I passed on one to my Mumsie - check out her blog Enjoy the writing bug Mother dear.

Writing is what I do. I write, therefore I am. My pen is my power. I could go on forever. I also love sharing writing. I like to write about people, with people, have people write about me, see what other people write, have people see what I write. However, some don't quite get the frustration that comes with knowing the writers special brand of magic.

Fellow writers can probably relate. I have my favourite places to write, places where my inspiration is highest, kind of like the Life Fountains in Medievil (I really need to play that game again) only instead of spewing life, they spew inspiration. One of these places is indeed the Laundromat at the start of Merthyr Road. Another is where I'm sitting right now on the New Farm Riverwalk, next to my dear friend the Brisbane River, facing another friend of mine the Story Bridge. There's another just across the River from South Bank near the Botanical Gardens, where the inspiration is so strong it's quite frustrating that I can't fully process it.
A photo posted by Kerryn Wik-Grutt (@kezzstar24) on

So, being the sadistic fuck that I am, I want to share this feeling with everyone else. The feeling of having inspiration so close, but not being able to grasp it. About that next sentence that you KNOW is there but you just can't write it yet. I think I've figured out a fun little game that will allow me to share my eternal frustration with the world.

You'll need a friend for this. Stand facing each other. Get your friend to close their eyes. Now, without actually touching them, move your hand from their non-writing hand up the arm and across and down to their writing hand, never touching them - they should still be able to sense you. Now, while their eyes are still closed, get them to try and catch your hand, trying to keep it as close as possible to their hand while not quite letting them catch it. If my guess is correct, they will be quite annoyed.

That's what writers block can feel like at times - like you're on the edge of something amazing, you can almost feel it in your fingertips but at the last second it pulls away going "Neh, neh, neh, neh." Happened last Sunday to me while I was walking. I was ropeable.

I suppose I could ignore it, but where's the fun in that? Sometimes it's impossible to ignore too. So I'm just gonna sit here and enjoy my little patches of inspiration, and I'm sure you all will enjoy reading them and laughing at me, thinking about what a lunatic I am and that I should probably be in an institution.

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Top 5 Fast Food Joints

I admit it, I'm a fast food junkie. I love pizza and hamburgers and fried chicken and kebabs too much. So here are my top 5 favourite fast food places.

5. Nandos

The food is irresistable, but the customer service at just about every store is RUBBISH, which is why Nandos is so far down the list. Not to mention they don't respond to online complaints. Other than that I simply can't get enough Lemon and Herb Chicken. OMG YUM.

4. Pizza Hut

Their pizzas are pretty good and I won't say no to their chocolate mousse (neither did my Bastet when he was alive). However dealing with them feels very clinical and I feel like little more than a number sometimes. However they're great at getting your pizzas to you quickly and I can't fault their efficiency.

3. Sunshine Kebabs

Mainly friendly and with great kebabs, I don't mind heading out for a quick kebab at lunchtime. Do they have to be so expensive though?

2. McDonalds

I feel so dirty putting Maccas on this list, but their brilliant staff at Central Station have won me over, as have their steak and aioli wraps. Customer service is the way to my heart.

And at number one we have...


To be fair, when I knew they were once known as Beagle Boys I was hooked (YAY BEAGLES). Their pizzas are the BEST, their customer service is above and beyond, and I was devastated when they closed their Fortitude Valley store. For me, nothing beats a Garlic Prawn pizza, and I hope one day they open a store that services New Farm again.

Saturday, 24 October 2015

Weird is AWESOME.

Have seriously considered changing the title of this blog to "Tales from the Laundromat". I mean seriously, it's starting to become the only time I blog!

Except that today I'm going to talk about autism again. It seems I can never escape it, and all it brings with it, including my obsessions with writing, footy and trains, my anxiety and just the fact that I'm plain weird.

And I like being weird. I like being able to tell you exactly what model of train just pulled up at the station, and being able to recite the stations in order from Yerongpilly to Mitchelton (Yerongpilly, Yeronga, Fairfield, Dutton Park, Park Road, South Bank, South Brisbane, Roma Street, Central, Fortitude Valley, Bowen Hills, Windsor, Wilston, Newmarket, Alderley, Enoggera, Gaythorne and Mitchelton). I like amazing people with the deep and intricate details of my writing, especially all the hidden gems in Chuckles and Giggles. I like sometimes singing out loud as I walk to the train station from work (I'm dancing to MMMBop as I type). However, it seems a lot of people don't like other people being weird.

To be fair, not many people actually make any comment on it (mainly my co-workers, and even then it's with a bit of love). However, the way people speak to me, the fact they avoid me, and especially when they laugh at me (as opposed to with me, alas after a lot of experience I can tell the difference) lets me know that people notice it. It sucks. It seems being weird is a great excuse for people to treat you as less of a human being.

"So stop being weird." I hear you say. First off, go fuck yourself. Secondly, I tried that. You try suppressing your true self to people. Everything comes out in the wash, and you will get found out for the phoney that you are. Then people don't trust you (deservedly so) for deceiving them.

So what's the answer? Screw the world, enjoy your weirdness and always be true to yourself. If people make comment, slap them down. They'll either learn to live with you while appreciating your honesty and courage, or you're better off without them.

And yes, I'm singing "Daydream Believer" at the laundromat. Out loud. It's an awesome song!

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Age of Conspiracy! Yay!

I love a good conspiracy. I love coming up with conspiracies even more. Anything can be a conspiracy, and if you believe half of what you can come up with, you'll drive yourself batty in no time.

A good conspiracy has a good mix of the following elements: government, aliens, the end of the world, world domination, curtailing of freedoms, thought-control and/or mind reading. The one I've had for a while tries to incorporate a fair few of these elements, but trying to fit them all in is hard.

It all started when I heard people whinging about filling in government forms, the common argument being "But the government already HAS this information, I put it on other forms!" Me, being me, starting thinking - of COURSE the government has all this information, they know everything. They know where you live, who you live with, what you're eating, what you're drinking, what you're thinking. But HOW?

Then I played Metal Gear Solid and the answer came to me - NANOMACHINES (Thank you Hideo Kojima!). Then the question was, how do did the government get the nanomachines inside of us? Not vaccines, because not everyone gets them (you fucking idiots). Then a fellow co-worker described a theory he'd come across about commercial airlines spraying poisons (thanks Luke!) and then it all came together.

The theory in it's current form is this: We are all filled with nanomachines, that are passed down from our parents, thus keeping a record of our genetic history. Of course, nanomachines are fragile and can be easily damaged, lost, or passed on via childbirth. So the government regularly has aircraft flying overhead spraying out these invisible nanomachines which we then inhale, and they can download the information they require from older, surviving nanomachines. These nanomachines don't always just record data though, they are also useful for thought-control and thought-implants.

You see, I can tell right now that my readers are probably having a good chuckle to themselves thinking "Good one Kez." That's what the government wants you to think. However, it'd cost too much to constantly have nanomachines controlling our every thought, so the government had to find a way to do it sneakily. Enter the entertainment industry, more specifically, movies and books that are marketed as fiction but are actually fact. They're designed to screw with your mind - surely those things in movies CAN'T be real, right? Well, I can tell you right now, you're playing into what the government wants to you think. But how do the creators of these works of fiction know about these state secrets? The government can't risk having such public figures who are constantly out in the open knowing about these things, so they send specially-coded signals to the nanomachines, which are interpreted by the brain as "inspiration". Every once in a while you get someone like the great Gene Roddenberry who comes up with stuff on his own, which the government then allows the public to use, just to screw with us further.

Insert some story about getting the technology from aliens and I've almost covered everything (still can't find a way to shoe-horn the end of the world in there but give me some time!).

And now I'm scared, I'm sitting at the laundromat and outside the window is an ibis that keeps staring at me. It hasn't moved since I started writing this blog. If I go missing, I think we'll all know what happened.

Anyway, coming up with conspiracy theories is fun. It's creative, it scares the shit out of people (whether it's because they believe you or because they think you're a total fruitloop) and it passes the time.

Sunday, 11 October 2015


Did you know that my epic, Chuckles and Giggles, is over a year old? How times flies huh? Especially when you consider that this week I'll be releasing the big Chapter 50! I can still remember publishing the first chapter, debating on whether or not I'd splurge on an artist (I did, and I'm glad I did, Thien Uncage - formerly Ginc Dmon - is now one of my great friends and artistic associates. At least he doesn't suggest I kill off all my characters every time I ask him for advice), seeing my characters for the first time (as my team got walloped by the Crows. Fuck you Adelaide) and completing the story I started back when I was 18. The original story was pretty much the first 39 chapters that I've published (minus the Tate and Webster saga, which was added later in response to my personal life, but adding another saga which I swear will see the light of day eventually), so chapter 40 and beyond has been completely new ideas that I'm now having to come up with as I go - it's interesting, and the way I've come up with ideas is pretty interesting too. From random flashes of brilliance in the middle of the night (UGH) to my co-workers insisting that because characters have died in my books that I am a cold-blooded murderer (AM NOT AM NOT AM NOT), inspiration has certainly come along in many forms.

But that's not what this blog is about. This blog is celebrating the fact that despite low views (including family and friends who for whatever reasons refuse to read it) and some set-backs I have managed to apply myself consistently to a project for a full year and see it out. I'm pretty proud of myself on that front, and that's something I haven't felt in a while. When you're suffering from depression, it's easy to just brush off everything you've achieved ("Oh, anyone could have done that." "So what, it's just what I'm supposed to be doing anyway."). So today, I'm going to try and celebrate how far I've come from last year.

1. Getting to work regularly

At the beginning of the year, the thought of coming to work every day for a full week, let alone multiple weeks in a row, seemed like a pipe dream.  Now, apart from the odd day when I'm physically ill or so roont that I can barely move, I'm getting to work every work day. I'm no where near working at my optimal levels, but still, it's progress.

2. Exercising

Ask anyone who lives in Oakey what you'd see if you looked outside at 5am on a weekday morning back in 2012/2013 and they'd answer "Kerryn walking to work." At lunch time every day I went out walking (and dodging Swoopy the Magpie, and boy wouldn't Jerry Springer have a field day with him and the POTYs!). I was healthy, happy and fit, and many insults were thrown my way when people asked how much weight I'd lost over the years. I let that slide when I moved to Brisbane, to my deteriment. Now I walk at lunch times on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and walk home via the New Farm Riverwalk. On Saturdays I usually do a short walk and on Sundays is my 16/17km hike around New Farm, Kangaroo Point and South Bank. I'm looking and feeling much better for it.

3. Dancing

I used to love Latin dancing (Ballroom not so much). But West Coast Swing is SO much more fun. Either way, twice a week I'm dancing, which is not only great exercise, but my posture has improved (mainly due to taking every opportunity I can to practise my "frame" and "anchor") and my anxiety is lower than it used to be.

It probably doesn't look like much, but every achievement is a big thing when it comes to recovering from depression. Even if you've never suffered depression or any form of mental illness before, I think you still owe it to yourself to take a moment to celebrate what you've achieved. YAY US!

Monday, 5 October 2015

Typing stuff into a blog post

-I should totally do a blog post on the random things that run into my head when I'm sitting at the laundromat waiting for my washing. Or I could write some of my books...nah, this is fun.

-Although that stupid thing where if I'm accidently holding the shift key when I hit the space bar on my shiny bluetooth keyboard and it tells me to fuck off is really annoying.

-Fall Out Boy can be catchy as hell. No shame.

-Wow, I finally decide to write down everything I think and suddenly my brain goes blank. Maybe I should start trying to go to sleep with a keyboard and an open blog post in front of me.

-I am such a spazz.

-I wish Meagan was here. I haven't seen that little twerp in like forever. I think she's probably gotten too cool for me though. I remember when she used to try and hang out with me all the time and it annoyed me. God I was such a shit sister back then.

-I wish Natalie didn't live so far away. I wish my two sisters could meet one day, and we'd all get along and be BFFs and cause all sorts of trouble. I miss my sisters.

-I wish I had room for a dog. Skipper would love it here, just chilling out at the laundromat. It'd be her version of heaven on earth, just chilling out with her human.

-I wonder if he's figured out I like him yet? I mean, surely to god it's as obvious as the dick on Eddie McGuires head. They'll be making windows out of me soon I'm that transparent, I think everyone else has figured it out.

-OMFG I LOVE THIS SONG! I so want to sing. I wanna sing so badly, but there are strangers around and I have earphones in and her dogs talking me but she's outta reach, oooh she's got a body, under that shirt, but all she wants to do is rub my face in the dirt this song is the greatest thing ever man. The only reason I'd drive a car is so I can listen to this song and sing as loud as possible. I can't dance, I can't talk, only thing about me is the way that I walk!

-I wonder what my readers will be thinking when they get to this point?

-What the fuck am I going to do for the next Chuckles and Giggles story arc? I have a whole list of ideas yet none of them are really popping out to me. Y'know, for a story that's supposed to focus on both Belle and Charlie I make it so Belle-orientated it's not funny.

-OMG Locked Away, suddenly I'm thinking of dance class. I am SO glad I got back into some form of dance. Dancing, writing, colouring in, singing, sometimes I wonder why I ever bothered trying to play footy...oh yeah...

-I wonder if I'm good enough for him. I mean, he's so attractive and intelligent and funny and cool and I'm I have no chance. I'm not particularly pretty, I'm still overweight, I have the social skills of a decomposed horse that just farted and I'm overall just weird. All I can really do is write, dance and be nice to people. Oh, and make really bad jokes.

-*incriminating thought deleted*

-I really have this love/hate thing going on with water. Seriously, sometimes the mere thought of it makes me want to vomit, and sometimes I love it. Usually first thing in the morning when I wake up is when I hate the taste most and I have to dilute it with cordial, which is probably the worst time to be drinking cordial.

-Are my legs going to get sunburned sitting here? Maybe I should move over slightly so I'm not in the sun. I hate my skin sometimes, I have the most awful tan lines because I inisist on going outside and exercising, and then I can't wear anything strappy or backless. First world problems, on my birthday I'll just get a spray tan and even it all out. God I'm pathetic.

-Alice Cooper! Funnily enough every time I hear "Poison" I think about when we were driving from Adelaide to Penrith. I can't remember whether or not it was when we moved or when we were visiting but meh. My mother gave me good taste in music.

-Washing done - damn it, socks got caught in the lining, I hate it when that happens and they're all wet and ugh, anyway, now to move this shit to the dryer and make myself look like a tool. Not that I have to try hard.

-Anyway, what was I thinking? That's right, the number 24, because my washing is in the dryer for 24 minutes. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth dropping the 24 from my pen name, Kezzstar24, because let's face it, I'm well over Joel Patfull, but I can't ever change the fact that he inspired me and made me want to be a better person. If it wasn't for him, I might not have had the courage to leave my ex and move to Brisbane...and I certainly would never have met HIM. The 24 stays. Besides, you can't deny that Joel is probably the greatest defender in the histroy of ever.

-I must be the only person in the world who looks forward to work. Not the actual work, but just chilling with my cool coworkers. It's nice to finally have coworkers who give a damn about me and I can actually call friends. Like Jess. She's awesome. Wish Natalie would come back sometimes, us girls could have some fun (at the guys expense of course). Garry is pretty awesome too. One day I might actually get around to telling him how much I appreciate him and Grant and Timmy. I miss having all four of us in the same office, although it was probably for the best we got seperated, someone might have walked in at the wrong moment and got all offended. The new guys are pretty swell too, I'd love to get to know Luke, Jeff and Darren better. I'm glad Jeff's the "Key Bitch", I reckon we're gonna get along great and be good friends. I'll always be grateful to Luke for re-introducing me to dance and he's also a surprisingly calming influence. Darren seems like the cool dad type too. I can't stress enough how Carl is the best boss in the world, without him I daresay I'd probably be in a really bad place or dead. Did I mention how cool Jess is? It's nice to have someone who will help me antagonise the boys.

-I'm listening to Bruno Mars. Sweet.

-Now I'm getting bored. And I've gotta lug this lot home yet. UGH. Wish I had Tenny, I could sing "I Can't Dance" on the way home. I really need to get over that little hang up. I should start singing in public and be proud, damn it!

-Annnnnd I'm thinking of HIM again. I really do have a one-track mind.

-I wanna ride a steam train. I should have been a train driver. That'd be so cool.

-Icy poles. Want

-I wonder if any of my coworkers will read this. I wonder if they'll be flattered by what I've said about them, or creeped out. I'm going with creeped out.

-Really want to start dancing now. Not proper dancing, I wanna just have fun. Start shuffling.

-I miss Dr. Evil from Oakey. He was one of the very few people from that god-forsaken hell-hole that I even bother talking to anymore. I should send him an email at work tomorrow, see how he's doing.

-I hope I don't have to go in a lift tomorrow. I hate lifts. I hate the jolting feeling under your feet when they move and it goes straight to my stomach and my nerves and I hate it! Same with planes taking off, landing and turbulance. Don't get me started on fucking STAIRS. That moment when you've only got one foot rooting you to the stair above has got to be the worst feeling in the world.

-Less than 3 minutes to go, then I have to sort and fold my washing and then lug it home. UGH.

-I should go for a walk after I get home. That'd be awesome. I love walking and listening to music. I should go past Kangaroo Point again. I love it there. The moonlight walk last night was so sweet. Wish I'd had someone with me though...*hint hint*

-Less than one minute to go! Well, I hope that everyone has enjoyed my random thoughts that probably make no sense. If you have no idea how I made the connection from one idea to the next, congratulations, you probably won't be wasting money on a shrink any time soon!


Friday, 2 October 2015

We aren't so insignificant

Note to self - no more red cordial before bed, because I highly doubt I'm qualified to talk about what I'm about to talk about.

ANYWAY, as happens when I'm lying in bed at night, infused with aforementioned red cordial, I tend to think of the stars. Big, beautiful, shining stars that are huge, great hubs of energy that power entire solar systems, worlds, lives. I think to myself how small they look from Earth, but how big they really are, and how many of them there are. Amazing to think how big not just the Galaxy, but the entire Universe is.

On the flipside, look at what the Universe is made of. Tiny little molecules, atoms, that not even our eyes can register. If your mind is blown thinking about how many of those tiny little specks make up one human being, imagine the WHOLE UNIVERSE being made out of those tiny little building blocks.

And then there's us. It's easy to pass us off as being as insignificant as one of those tiny little atoms that make up a huge picture, but while at the moment we're only one tiny speck, I reckon humanity as a whole is only going to get bigger. The past week alone has been proof of that, we've sent technology, OUR technology, that WE made, to another planet in our solar system (Hi Mars!) and not only that, but we're communicating with it. It's massive when you think of where humanity has come from. Not even a hundred years ago, if you wanted to be heard, you were very strapped for options. You could send a story to a newspaper or publish one yourself, but you were at the mercy of publishers, and many voices were cut off at the source.

Today is so, SO different, and this blog is proof of it. This blog can be seen by ANYONE IN THE WORLD WITH AN INTERNET CONNECTION. My voice, my words, are out there for the entire Planet to see. Sure, most people ignore it, but I have a voice, I can be heard. It won't be too long now in my honest opinion before the whole Solar System can hear me, and many like me. After that, the Galaxy, and after that, the Universe. Hell, we might even take over the multi-verse (told you I wasn't qualified to talk about this sort of stuff).

So next time you look at the stars, don't think about how tiny and insignificant you think you are. Think about the endless possibilities each one of those stars, powering its own solar system with its own planets, can be.

No more thinking for me!