Thursday, 31 July 2014

Shyness and Loneliness - How I battled it

One of my latest favourite Youtubers, undertakerfreak1127, recently posted this video:

And I realised comparatively, I'm fucking lucky.  I go to the footy and I hang out with my friends (several different groups of them actually).  I go back to Oakey and I have my four best friends (Scary, Ginger, Baby and Posh).  How DID I overcome my rather lacklustre social skills?

Well, therapy helped no end.  So did that Modelling and Deportment Class my mother sent me to.  These two things taught me things like how to structure my thoughts so I could keep a conversation flowing without going all over the place, and the manners and little social niceties that are required in a social setting.  If you can hold a structured conversation while using good manners (and you can do it confidently) then that goes a long way to helping people forgive the little errors that you will make, and the fact that you're shedding anxiety and shyness all over the place.  Also, learning these little nuances and how they fit in to socialising and where to use them helps you see them and understand them in other people.  I did enjoy the Modelling and Deportment Class, but I didn't realise until now how beneficial it really has been.  I recommend all people with social anxiety and personality disorders look these things up - they will help give you the confidence and tools to navigate social settings and hopefully make friends.

However, I think this is only one part of it.  A lot of people have often commented that they love my wacky sense of humour and outlook on life.  I think generally being a kind, positive person who tries their best also helps when trying to make friends and get a foothold in society.  Things like giving footy cards that I don't want to kids who sit around me, helping my friends and club with whatever they need doing and just being there when someone needs you make people forgive and even ignore your little social lapses. 

So my advice to you undertakerfreak1127, go and find a class that teaches things like modelling, deportment, manners etc.  Especially ones where they make you go out and test your skills (our big test at the end was walking on the catwalk in front of a lot of people, including friends and family).  You'd be surprised how much of a difference to your confidence that those things can make.

(Random thought: I just thought of the poor little Eevee from the Abandon Lonliness creepypasta.  Even though it's just a story about a bunch of pixels I still feel for the little fella.  You're not a curse little Eevee.  No one is.)

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