Days without bad eating habits: 14
Feeling: I want bread and pasta
Anxiety Level: I want bread and pasta
Activity Level: Will do anything for bread and pasta
Seriously, I am craving me some carbs something baaaaaaaaaaad. Fridays are a little bit of relief, last Friday was the VIP Cricket Experience which was AMAZEBALLS, where I allowed myself a couple of party pies and some prawns and chicken (still drinking nothing but water though) and this Friday was our monthly Team Lunch (as the self-appointed Morale Officer at work, I try to get the guys out as much as possible).
The biggest thing that helps me though is my new "safe place", or Raw Connection West Coast Swing, particularly on the quieter Tuesday nights. I never thought somewhere where a lot of people get together to dance to really loud music would be somewhere safe for me, but the amazing people and the equally awesome dance style allow me some sort of relief from constantly trying to put up a brave front. Sure, I still have panic attacks at dance class (HUGE apologies to those teachers whose classes I've had to duck out of due to afforementioned attacks) but the associated guilt at having them is a lot less than at a place like work for example.
West Coast Swing is a very expressive dance style, which suits me fine. Even as a follower, there's plenty of time for you to put your own spin on the dance, especially in freestyle which is probably my most favourite thing to do ever after writing and making people laugh. The happiness I get from dance is comparable to how I feel listening to the soundtrack from the Irish Dance classic "Lord of the Dance", which to me is like being drowned in purest happiness. It's also helped me improve in other areas, like my posture (which my mother has noted is much better than it used to be). It's also one of the very, very few ways in which I can connect with other people, when you're dancing with someone it doesn't matter that they're rich, poor, neurotypical, autistic, black, white, religious, whatever. Like I said, it's a very safe space, and my first couple of lessons completely blew me away by how open and friendly everyone is. I almost feel like I've known these people forever.
Now if I could just get my frame right...