Like I said, although I don't watch much TV I do have my favourite characters. I also have characters who I would like to see completely wiped from this earth. What brought this on? Read on to find out.
5. Sasuke Uchiha - Naruto
This little runt pisses me off no end. Always all about revenge and being a brooding emo, he's just so one-dimensional it's not funny. Sure, Sakura isn't one of my favourite characters either, but for heavens sake she deserved better than to be lumped with this loser! He doesn't grow at ALL during the course of the story, except for the last little bit where he admits Naruto is right. And suddenly all is forgiven and happy, happy, joy, joy. UGH!
4. Bella Swan - The Twilight Saga
Do I REALLY need to go into why this chick is so annoying?! Again, so one-dimensional and she never, EVER grows up. She just stays stuck in brooding teenager mode forever. I literally threw the last book across the room I was so furious with her. GET A CLUE YOU WHINY BRAT.
3. Shou Tucker - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
The reason I'm writing this list. I just watched episode 4 and what he did...how utterly despicable. The first time I saw that scene I was FURIOUS. Fathers don't do that. They just DON'T.
2. Princess Bubblegum - Adventure Time
She won't fix Lemongrab. He is living a miserable, lonely, painful existence because SHE WON'T FIX HIM. This one hits so close to home for me because if someone could take my autism away and make me into a person without the poor social skills and the over sensitivity to touch and sound and they REFUSED TO...I relate so much to Lemongrab, and how he suffers because no one can understand his "Lemon Way"...oh she makes me furious! It's not just Lemongrab that pisses me off about her, it's her whole attitude and superiority complex that also ticks me off. Stupid princess.
1. Dolores Umbridge - Harry Potter Series
Just ask any Harry Potter fan, and they will tell you what an evil, nasty, horrible piece of work this bitch is. At least with the Dark Lord, you can understand how he became so hateful, and perhaps even pity him, but not this cow. She takes Bubblegums superiority to a completely new level, and abuses her powers as much as humanly possible. She gives us Slytherins a bad name, and it brings me shame to have been sorted into the same house as her!
Sunday, 19 June 2016
Friday, 10 June 2016
Anxiety and Overloading
Being of the autistic and anxious nature, I tend to suffer from panic attacks. These can be categorised two ways - anxiety attacks and overloads. These commonly happen at work and at dance class, and a lot of people don't understand really WHY it happens. At dance, it's often assumed that my attacks are because I don't feel like I can keep up with the class (when I think at least 80% of the time I'm pretty good at keeping up) and I'm really not sure what the guys at work think.
Here's a quick overview of how it works:
As stated earlier, I either have an anxiety attack or I overload. This is because unfortunately I have limited energy for coping with the stresses of life that everyone else seems to take in their stride. Think of it as having two meters: my "Social Energy" meter and my "Data Usage" meter.
My "Social Energy" meter is how much energy I have left to deal with social situations before I can't hold off the anxiety any longer. Things like conversations, going out to fix customers problems, driving, dealing with my fears, talking on the phone etc deplete this meter.
My "Data Usage" meter is how much more I can process before I overload. Sound and touch contribute to depleting this meter, as does trying to learn or trying to absorb new information.
If one meter gets too low, it can start impacting on the other meter. Also, my panic scale can also affect how fast the meters go down. Being at a high level on the scale can drain my "Social Energy" meter, while making it harder for me to absorb information, which starts to drain at my "Data Usage" meter. Conversely, if I can get my panic scale low enough (to a 2.5 or below) I can actually start to recuperate any lost "energy" or "data". This is why I insist on walking at lunchtimes, because it will easily replenish my "Social Energy" meter, while listening to music and letting my brain go nuts will replenish my "Data Usage" meter.
Of course, if the meters get too low, then it becomes harder for me to get and keep to a low panic scale. Also my physical condition can affect how fast the meters go down as well. Plus, I don't always start the day with the same amount of energy as I did the day before. A couple of long or stressful days in a row can have me starting my days with next to no petrol tickets left in either tank.
So let's look at some examples. Take my first mini-attack at Swingsation on Saturday, brought on by my dread of losing my balance. This was during a workshop, which was just after another workshop, so my "Data Usage" meter was already pretty low. This was starting to drain at my "Social Energy" meter, as well, raising my panic scale to around a 5. Now, earlier, when my "Data Usage" scale was fuller, I was happily sitting at 3.5. Then, they showed us we were going to be doing a dip. Like I said at the time, it was a sudden hit of fear to the face, instantly throwing my panic scale up to a 7. Had my meter had more data available, I could have maybe gotten back down to a 3.5 and gutsed it out, but I was depleted and thus after three or four attempts at the dip I hit 8 and fled.
The major attack on the Sunday at Swingsation was similar, only this time both meters were out. Unfortunately I could only recover so much energy from Friday, which I used up on Saturday, and couldn't fully recover by Sunday. Physically too I was drained. Dancing was able to keep me down to a 3, but then I picked a fast dance with a complete and utter manic which completely wiped out my "Data Usage" meter and left my "Social Energy" precariously low. Sure enough, I hit a 9 and couldn't speak. Super-embarrassing stuff.
Just this week too I had another attack, but this time because my panic scale was otherwise low, I was able to recover the energy and data and guts it out. This one was caused by a one-footed spin which had me off-balance, which is a great way to send me to an instant 6 on the panic scale. Coupled with all the information I was getting in class depleting my "Data Usage" meter, I had an attack. However, my "Social Energy" meter was high enough that after sitting down for five minutes I could guts out the rest of the lesson, and a few dances (which mostly bring my scale down to 2) were enough to replenish my meters and I was able to enjoy the rest of the night.
It's important to be able to tell if I'm anxious or overloading - if I overload, DO NOT TOUCH ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES because it will HURT like anything because I simply can't take any more input. However, if it's anxiety, I need to be hugged and fretted over and protected. Of course, if both meters get completely wiped out and I hit a 10...you know what, let's not even go there, because I certainly never want to hit a 10 ever again.
Here's a quick overview of how it works:
As stated earlier, I either have an anxiety attack or I overload. This is because unfortunately I have limited energy for coping with the stresses of life that everyone else seems to take in their stride. Think of it as having two meters: my "Social Energy" meter and my "Data Usage" meter.
My "Social Energy" meter is how much energy I have left to deal with social situations before I can't hold off the anxiety any longer. Things like conversations, going out to fix customers problems, driving, dealing with my fears, talking on the phone etc deplete this meter.
My "Data Usage" meter is how much more I can process before I overload. Sound and touch contribute to depleting this meter, as does trying to learn or trying to absorb new information.
If one meter gets too low, it can start impacting on the other meter. Also, my panic scale can also affect how fast the meters go down. Being at a high level on the scale can drain my "Social Energy" meter, while making it harder for me to absorb information, which starts to drain at my "Data Usage" meter. Conversely, if I can get my panic scale low enough (to a 2.5 or below) I can actually start to recuperate any lost "energy" or "data". This is why I insist on walking at lunchtimes, because it will easily replenish my "Social Energy" meter, while listening to music and letting my brain go nuts will replenish my "Data Usage" meter.
Of course, if the meters get too low, then it becomes harder for me to get and keep to a low panic scale. Also my physical condition can affect how fast the meters go down as well. Plus, I don't always start the day with the same amount of energy as I did the day before. A couple of long or stressful days in a row can have me starting my days with next to no petrol tickets left in either tank.
So let's look at some examples. Take my first mini-attack at Swingsation on Saturday, brought on by my dread of losing my balance. This was during a workshop, which was just after another workshop, so my "Data Usage" meter was already pretty low. This was starting to drain at my "Social Energy" meter, as well, raising my panic scale to around a 5. Now, earlier, when my "Data Usage" scale was fuller, I was happily sitting at 3.5. Then, they showed us we were going to be doing a dip. Like I said at the time, it was a sudden hit of fear to the face, instantly throwing my panic scale up to a 7. Had my meter had more data available, I could have maybe gotten back down to a 3.5 and gutsed it out, but I was depleted and thus after three or four attempts at the dip I hit 8 and fled.
The major attack on the Sunday at Swingsation was similar, only this time both meters were out. Unfortunately I could only recover so much energy from Friday, which I used up on Saturday, and couldn't fully recover by Sunday. Physically too I was drained. Dancing was able to keep me down to a 3, but then I picked a fast dance with a complete and utter manic which completely wiped out my "Data Usage" meter and left my "Social Energy" precariously low. Sure enough, I hit a 9 and couldn't speak. Super-embarrassing stuff.
Just this week too I had another attack, but this time because my panic scale was otherwise low, I was able to recover the energy and data and guts it out. This one was caused by a one-footed spin which had me off-balance, which is a great way to send me to an instant 6 on the panic scale. Coupled with all the information I was getting in class depleting my "Data Usage" meter, I had an attack. However, my "Social Energy" meter was high enough that after sitting down for five minutes I could guts out the rest of the lesson, and a few dances (which mostly bring my scale down to 2) were enough to replenish my meters and I was able to enjoy the rest of the night.
It's important to be able to tell if I'm anxious or overloading - if I overload, DO NOT TOUCH ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES because it will HURT like anything because I simply can't take any more input. However, if it's anxiety, I need to be hugged and fretted over and protected. Of course, if both meters get completely wiped out and I hit a 10...you know what, let's not even go there, because I certainly never want to hit a 10 ever again.
Wednesday, 8 June 2016
One is Not Enough
WARNING: I'm high on Nurofen at the moment (YAY FOR DRUG SENSITIVITY) and I have a cold and I am tired and I really should be asleep but thoughts are keeping me awake. I have zero idea where I'm going with this.
ONE person. ONE Prime Minister, President, Queen, King, whatever. While I understand that there are processes in place to ensure that these people don't abuse their power (for example, the Senate) these seem almost as stupid as having one central figurehead to run the joint. In Australia for example, ONE person represents 0.0000041% of the total population. The people in Parliament equals 0.00062% of the population. Am I the only person who sees how utterly ridiculous this is?
The simple fact is that there are over 24 million people in this country. Each of us has our own needs, wants, hopes, dreams. We all have our individual ideas about what is right and just. Most of us accept that sometimes our wants, hopes and dreams need to be sacrificed for the greater good. Just to make things even more fun, each and every one of us has our own ideas about what the greater good entails. We pretty much live by a majority rules mentality. To try and make things even, we divide ourselves into Electorates, a whole 150 of them. Yup. Only 150 representatives for over 24 million people. 0.00062% of the population. That means roughly one representative per 160,700 people. Those 160,700 each with their own ideas and wants and needs. Not to mention the representative themselves has their own ideas and wants and needs. In fact, the Prime Minister ALSO has their own ideas and wants and needs.
Part of me wants to cry "Bring on our AI overlords!" Alas, the AI would have to be programmed by a human...again with their own wants, needs and ideas. What a mess.
I guess the biggest fix for our Government would be for those in power to realise that it's not just all about them. I'm not just talking about the elected government either, the Opposition also need to realise that opposition≠being dicks. If such a small section of the population is going to be in charge, they NEED to work together. I'm sick of turning on Question Time and nearly mistaking it for Degrassi High. These people need to realise that each and every one of them is such a small percentage of the population, and really if it weren't for the other 99.938% of the population putting them in power their wants, needs and ideas wouldn't count for shit. Each and every one of them is representing 160,700 different wants, needs and ideas.
There are so many people in this world that one person just isn't enough to change the world any more. It's now got to be a team effort from all of us to advance ourselves as a species and actually govern ourselves with a bit more accuracy than what we are at the moment. Make sure you vote correctly and to the best of your ability. If you have a concern, write to your local member.
And remember, we all have a voice. While making ours heard, let's listen to the other voices too. After all, you're only 0.0000041% of the Australian population.
...
I'm going to bed now.
Sunday, 5 June 2016
Top 5 Things I Like About Myself
Man, I NEVER thought I'd get to this stage. I actually LIKE me! I think I might actually be the one for me!
Don't get me wrong - it's taken a LOT of work to get to this stage, and still sometimes there's that nagging doubt in the back of my head. However, the voice is getting quieter all the time, as I find out things about myself that are pretty awesome. When you're stuck in the bowels of depression it's really hard to find anything good about yourself, so when you DO finally have that self-respect and self-love, that's when you need to start putting aside some of those good feelings for the times that you'll need them. Things like songs, videos, games, memories and even lists of good things are all the sorts of things that you'll be grateful for when that black dog comes around again. Trust me, there's always a chance that it'll come back. I already have some great memories stored away (check my blogs on Swingsation) and Spotify is a great resource for hoarding those songs that make you feel good. I also have my list of reasons I want to be alive (which has the names of all of those people precious to me) and now I'm going to internalise and find some reasons why other people would want me to be alive.
5. I'm loyal to a fault
Show me any sort of kindness and I am yours for life. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends, and I'd do just about anything for them. Hurt one of them, and I'm sure I'll find some way to make you pay. Friends become like family to me so easily, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
4. I don't give up easily
It would have been so easy to run away from Swingsation after the first panic attack. It would have been so easy to quit my job and return to Oakey after my breakdown and subsequent depression. It'd be so easy to give up West Coast Swing because it does get really hard. But I'm not going to give up, I'm never going to give up and I'm going to continue to try my best and give it my all!
3. I'm a damned good writer
And a good dancer too come to think of it. Who doesn't love creative energy? I try to use my ability as a writer to try and make the world a better place, by trying to make people believe the good in themselves and sharing my experiences to hopefully stop people from making the same mistakes I did. This blog is just one example.
2. I'm intelligent
My psych has often commented on my high intelligence. I love thinking and I love ideas and figuring things out about the world. I love learning too, although sometimes I'm a bit slower than everyone else once I have a concept I'm not letting it go!
1. I'm fucking hilarious
Well, at least I think so! There is no greater feeling in the Universe than making someone laugh, especially if they're feeling down. The sound of laughter is the most magical sound in the world, the most powerful sound in the world, and it'll be laughter that saves the world.
So now when life decides to be a bitch and try and get me down, I now have another list I can refer back to to help me get back up again. Even if you don't have a history of mental illness, it pays to have something (or lots of somethings) that remind you of the good in you, and in everyone else.
Don't get me wrong - it's taken a LOT of work to get to this stage, and still sometimes there's that nagging doubt in the back of my head. However, the voice is getting quieter all the time, as I find out things about myself that are pretty awesome. When you're stuck in the bowels of depression it's really hard to find anything good about yourself, so when you DO finally have that self-respect and self-love, that's when you need to start putting aside some of those good feelings for the times that you'll need them. Things like songs, videos, games, memories and even lists of good things are all the sorts of things that you'll be grateful for when that black dog comes around again. Trust me, there's always a chance that it'll come back. I already have some great memories stored away (check my blogs on Swingsation) and Spotify is a great resource for hoarding those songs that make you feel good. I also have my list of reasons I want to be alive (which has the names of all of those people precious to me) and now I'm going to internalise and find some reasons why other people would want me to be alive.
5. I'm loyal to a fault
Show me any sort of kindness and I am yours for life. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends, and I'd do just about anything for them. Hurt one of them, and I'm sure I'll find some way to make you pay. Friends become like family to me so easily, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
4. I don't give up easily
It would have been so easy to run away from Swingsation after the first panic attack. It would have been so easy to quit my job and return to Oakey after my breakdown and subsequent depression. It'd be so easy to give up West Coast Swing because it does get really hard. But I'm not going to give up, I'm never going to give up and I'm going to continue to try my best and give it my all!
3. I'm a damned good writer
And a good dancer too come to think of it. Who doesn't love creative energy? I try to use my ability as a writer to try and make the world a better place, by trying to make people believe the good in themselves and sharing my experiences to hopefully stop people from making the same mistakes I did. This blog is just one example.
2. I'm intelligent
My psych has often commented on my high intelligence. I love thinking and I love ideas and figuring things out about the world. I love learning too, although sometimes I'm a bit slower than everyone else once I have a concept I'm not letting it go!
1. I'm fucking hilarious
Well, at least I think so! There is no greater feeling in the Universe than making someone laugh, especially if they're feeling down. The sound of laughter is the most magical sound in the world, the most powerful sound in the world, and it'll be laughter that saves the world.
So now when life decides to be a bitch and try and get me down, I now have another list I can refer back to to help me get back up again. Even if you don't have a history of mental illness, it pays to have something (or lots of somethings) that remind you of the good in you, and in everyone else.
My List Of Reasons I Want To Be Alive
Friday, 27 May 2016
Top 5 Things that Scare the $^1+ out of me
I will note this is not a list of my top five fears (which is basically 5. Eye contact 4. Speaking on the phone 3. Sharp objects near my wrists 2. Stairs/Elevators 1. Going blind) rather it's a top five of things in the media/on the Internet that scare the everliving shit out of me. These things at some point have caused me to lose sleep for a week.
Just be careful clicking links - I take no responsibility for you being terrified out of your wits.
It's mainly the picture that does me in. Those fucking eyes. I was first exposed to this via a stupid Facebook chain picture that scared me witless. I had problems sleeping for a week afterwards, although it doesn't bother me as much now.
Again, the freaking imagery that people have made. Plus the fact that I relate so much to Squidward (my siblings were very much the Spongebob and Patrick, and I hate both characters with a passion). How do people come up with this stuff?!
3. The Mummy
Saw this at a friends place, only watched the first half an hour before heading elsewhere to do something else like play sweet, innocent video games. Finally fell asleep that night after watching a silly silver-screen movie called "A New Leaf" before passing out to Schnukums and Meat.
Just gross. There are just some things that don't need to be watched (or in my case, overheard).
1. Springtrap/The Purple Guy (Five Nights At Freddys)
FUCK this animatronic and FUCK the Purple Guy. For those not in the know, the Purple Guy is the evil bastard who killed the kids who haunt the animatronics in the Five Nights At Freddys games. After the first game, he's killed by a Golden Bonnie Suit he was trying to hide in, and became Springtrap, the antagonist of the third game in the series. Even keeping my lamp on doesn't help, and it's only gotten worse since Bastet died (being a bigger cat, he could have easily taken on any animatronic, and he always slept on the end of my bed, where I could comfort myself by resting my foot near him). Of course, he's just as bad in his Purple Guy form - one night while casually reading about the Puppet (quite possibly my favourite character) an animation started where the Purple Guy started walking across the screen. Thoroughly frightened out of my skull, I exited the FNaF wiki quick-smart.
Sleep well!
Sunday, 22 May 2016
Swingsation: Day Three!
I really did NOT want to get out of bed this morning. I had definitely spent WAY too many petrol tickets on Saturday night. However, I was determined to force myself to at least watch the workshops today, and get as many dances under my belt as I could.
Well, first I left my shoes at the apartment (discovered while in the middle of crossing the road). Then coming back down the stairs the strap of the bag that my sister gave me snapped. Thankfully I was able to hook the strap onto one of the zippers so it's still functional.
The first workshop was with Arjay, who has a huge, amazing, constant energy. It was all about dancing with one lead, two follows. Of course, I forgot to put on my dance shoes didn't I? Anyway, after that little faux pas, we had a BLAST with the workshop. It was easily the most fun workshop of the weekend, and I really hope I get the chance to do another double-dance soon.
Of course, my left plantar fascia (which has been troublesome since I was a kid) was determined to try and put a damper on things, as was my complete lack of energy. Both were egging on my anxiety but I wasn't going to give in.
Lunch was Maccas with my roomie Josephine (who I am so glad I got to know this weekend), who I introduced to the Loaded Fries with cheese sauce and bacon. Yes, I am evil.
After watching the last workshops, I scooted back to the apartment and foolishly took a nap. I awoke groggy and really not in any state to do anything except grouch, but I was determined and as anyone who knows me will tell you when I get determined there is NOTHING that can stop me. It was probably a good thing I had the apartment to myself, I was able to try and unwind a bit before heading to watch the Invitational Jack and Jill.
The Invitational was amazing. It almost made me want to dance competitively just for the chance to be able to dance with one of those pros, but I know that competitive dancing is well beyond what I'm capable of. Yes, even I have limits.
It was after the Invitational that disaster struck. Dancing with Chris, the plantar fascia finally gave a massive "WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST BITCH?!" No one calls ME a bitch, so I kept going despite the fact owchie. As Chris helped me off the dance floor, I felt a familiar snap in the back of my head. Oh. Crap. That snap meant that my ability to speak was GONE. I tried to form the words, but there was nothing. Not one word. And my foot was burning badly. I ended up outside with Natasha (who is wonderful) who managed to calm me down and get some of my Rescue Pastilles into me. Of course, I still couldn't speak.
It was after the awards (congrats to all the winners by the way!) that my ability to speak finally returned (with a lot of effort mind) and I managed to get in one last dance with Ty (who I knew would be gentle with me). I then headed back to the apartment (as much as I would have loved to stay) and now it's time for some rest before the long drive back to Brisbane tomorrow.
Overall, this weekend was a success. I asked so many people to dance (and I apologise to you all, but I can't remember any of your names!) and met so many new people. I learnt a lot about myself and my dance, and I like to think that I strengthened some of my existing friendships. I actually felt confident for 90% of the weekend, and I got to dance with some very advanced dancers (unfortunately not the pros, but there's always next time). West Coast Swing and the community around it is a great place for everyone, especially those with mental illness, and I am so glad I took the opportunity to experience this great weekend and all the good things that came with it!
One could almost say I felt like a normal girl for once.
Well, first I left my shoes at the apartment (discovered while in the middle of crossing the road). Then coming back down the stairs the strap of the bag that my sister gave me snapped. Thankfully I was able to hook the strap onto one of the zippers so it's still functional.
The first workshop was with Arjay, who has a huge, amazing, constant energy. It was all about dancing with one lead, two follows. Of course, I forgot to put on my dance shoes didn't I? Anyway, after that little faux pas, we had a BLAST with the workshop. It was easily the most fun workshop of the weekend, and I really hope I get the chance to do another double-dance soon.
Of course, my left plantar fascia (which has been troublesome since I was a kid) was determined to try and put a damper on things, as was my complete lack of energy. Both were egging on my anxiety but I wasn't going to give in.
Lunch was Maccas with my roomie Josephine (who I am so glad I got to know this weekend), who I introduced to the Loaded Fries with cheese sauce and bacon. Yes, I am evil.
After watching the last workshops, I scooted back to the apartment and foolishly took a nap. I awoke groggy and really not in any state to do anything except grouch, but I was determined and as anyone who knows me will tell you when I get determined there is NOTHING that can stop me. It was probably a good thing I had the apartment to myself, I was able to try and unwind a bit before heading to watch the Invitational Jack and Jill.
The Invitational was amazing. It almost made me want to dance competitively just for the chance to be able to dance with one of those pros, but I know that competitive dancing is well beyond what I'm capable of. Yes, even I have limits.
It was after the Invitational that disaster struck. Dancing with Chris, the plantar fascia finally gave a massive "WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST BITCH?!" No one calls ME a bitch, so I kept going despite the fact owchie. As Chris helped me off the dance floor, I felt a familiar snap in the back of my head. Oh. Crap. That snap meant that my ability to speak was GONE. I tried to form the words, but there was nothing. Not one word. And my foot was burning badly. I ended up outside with Natasha (who is wonderful) who managed to calm me down and get some of my Rescue Pastilles into me. Of course, I still couldn't speak.
It was after the awards (congrats to all the winners by the way!) that my ability to speak finally returned (with a lot of effort mind) and I managed to get in one last dance with Ty (who I knew would be gentle with me). I then headed back to the apartment (as much as I would have loved to stay) and now it's time for some rest before the long drive back to Brisbane tomorrow.
Overall, this weekend was a success. I asked so many people to dance (and I apologise to you all, but I can't remember any of your names!) and met so many new people. I learnt a lot about myself and my dance, and I like to think that I strengthened some of my existing friendships. I actually felt confident for 90% of the weekend, and I got to dance with some very advanced dancers (unfortunately not the pros, but there's always next time). West Coast Swing and the community around it is a great place for everyone, especially those with mental illness, and I am so glad I took the opportunity to experience this great weekend and all the good things that came with it!
One could almost say I felt like a normal girl for once.
Swingsation: Day Two!
IMPORTANT NOTE: For an alarm to go off, it must first be set. Just something I thought I'd throw out there.
So after sleeping in until 0900, I quickly rushed to the Mantra to continue the Swingsation fun. The first workshop was all about musicality, and I took a lot from it (even if I totally sucked at it - hashtag oh well). It made a difference watching the Jack and Jill competition too - I could really start to see how the competitors were working the music with their partners, so it's definitely an area I need to grow in. I'm really bad for letting the music take me over and almost completely missing musical cues from my lead - however while social dancing tonight I did manage to hit a few spots so I'm definitely improving!
The second workshop was all about connection, which is by far the weakest aspect of my dance. This workshop definitely helped there, although disaster struck towards the end. You see, I have a really, really big problem with losing my balance (as my first dance teacher Chris can easily attest to - he had quite a challenge teaching me the start step - hashtag infinite patience), and the last part of the routine we were learning involved a dip. The moment they demonstrated the dip, it was instant pure terror to the face. Cue mini-panic attack.
I headed out to try and walk it off, without realising I still had my dance shoes on. So I took them off and walked around barefoot on the streets of the Gold Coast until I found a pharmacist, where I was lucky enough to find my Bach Rescue Pastilles in a blackcurrant flavour (which beats the disgusting cranberry and lemon flavours - hashtag gross). The pharmacist instantly saw my predicament and kindly offered me water and to sit down. I thanked her, but decided it was best just to walk it off. I got back to the Mantra, got my shoes and went out for lunch.
I got back to the Mantra in time for the Jack and Jill preliminaries. Social dancing somewhat calmed my frayed nerves although I was well and truly frazzled. Thankfully after some really amazing performances by the competitors the ballroom was closed so we were all forced out for dinner. It gave me the chance to calm down (and take advantage of the Blackadder DVDs in our apartment - hashtag WINNING).
Unfortunately there wasn't enough leaders for me to participate in the next workshop which was all about partner-stealing, but it was really fun to watch. Also by this stage an old childhood malady was beginning to play up - I was born with really, really bad foot arches, and my left one was starting to hurt. I ignored it though (hashtag future issues) and kept on dancing away. The Jack and Jill finals were a treat to behold, and you couldn't pull me off that dance floor even if you tried (to my detriment, hashtag responsible adult). About ten minutes before the Pros were going to do their fun Jack and Jill competition (wow, just wow. So, SO amazing, so brilliant, so much energy and passion - hashtag speechless) the pain began to get too much (thank you James for chatting with me while I rested - hashtag thanks mate). I was going to give up and go back to the apartment, and had put my shoes on when I saw something in my bag that made me change my mind.
A few weeks ago I finally found a Joel Patfull footy card. My hero. The man who never gave up even though he was delisted by port. The dance shoes went back on - hang it all, I was going to dance through that pain even if it killed me, because no matter what happens I want to be like Joel Patfull. Eventually I lost feeling in the foot, which made dancing interesting, but then the pain returned with a vengeance, surging up to my knee. Finally out of petrol tickets, I headed back to the apartment at around 0115. Phew!
Easily the best part of the day was getting to dance with the two best dancers in the whole world (in my opinion - hashtag biased), Zac and Chris. I love these guys to bits, dancing with them just makes me feel so much better about myself, and any dance class where I don't dance with either one of them is a class wasted. Chris is my favourite to dance with, and as I mentioned earlier he was my teacher when I first started. If it weren't for him, I doubt I would have continued dancing (even though at the time I would have happily smacked him. Repeatedly. Hashtag I'm sorry!). Zac, even though he's a world-class dancer, is so incredibly down-to-earth and just brings so much energy to every dance. Every time I dance with him I feel so much more confident as a dancer, he seems to know just how good you are and how to make you feel like you're a star even if you have no clue what you're doing.
That being said, I had some awesome dances with so many guys today that I am simply blown away. This whole experience is making me wish so badly that my social skills weren't completely shit, so that I could really talk to people and make connections and friendships, because everyone is just so awesome. I really hope that I can take some of this energy away with me to use at regular Raw Con classes back at Mt. Gravatt. Who knows, maybe I'll even start joining everyone for dinner before dance class...maybe.
So after sleeping in until 0900, I quickly rushed to the Mantra to continue the Swingsation fun. The first workshop was all about musicality, and I took a lot from it (even if I totally sucked at it - hashtag oh well). It made a difference watching the Jack and Jill competition too - I could really start to see how the competitors were working the music with their partners, so it's definitely an area I need to grow in. I'm really bad for letting the music take me over and almost completely missing musical cues from my lead - however while social dancing tonight I did manage to hit a few spots so I'm definitely improving!
The second workshop was all about connection, which is by far the weakest aspect of my dance. This workshop definitely helped there, although disaster struck towards the end. You see, I have a really, really big problem with losing my balance (as my first dance teacher Chris can easily attest to - he had quite a challenge teaching me the start step - hashtag infinite patience), and the last part of the routine we were learning involved a dip. The moment they demonstrated the dip, it was instant pure terror to the face. Cue mini-panic attack.
I headed out to try and walk it off, without realising I still had my dance shoes on. So I took them off and walked around barefoot on the streets of the Gold Coast until I found a pharmacist, where I was lucky enough to find my Bach Rescue Pastilles in a blackcurrant flavour (which beats the disgusting cranberry and lemon flavours - hashtag gross). The pharmacist instantly saw my predicament and kindly offered me water and to sit down. I thanked her, but decided it was best just to walk it off. I got back to the Mantra, got my shoes and went out for lunch.
I got back to the Mantra in time for the Jack and Jill preliminaries. Social dancing somewhat calmed my frayed nerves although I was well and truly frazzled. Thankfully after some really amazing performances by the competitors the ballroom was closed so we were all forced out for dinner. It gave me the chance to calm down (and take advantage of the Blackadder DVDs in our apartment - hashtag WINNING).
Unfortunately there wasn't enough leaders for me to participate in the next workshop which was all about partner-stealing, but it was really fun to watch. Also by this stage an old childhood malady was beginning to play up - I was born with really, really bad foot arches, and my left one was starting to hurt. I ignored it though (hashtag future issues) and kept on dancing away. The Jack and Jill finals were a treat to behold, and you couldn't pull me off that dance floor even if you tried (to my detriment, hashtag responsible adult). About ten minutes before the Pros were going to do their fun Jack and Jill competition (wow, just wow. So, SO amazing, so brilliant, so much energy and passion - hashtag speechless) the pain began to get too much (thank you James for chatting with me while I rested - hashtag thanks mate). I was going to give up and go back to the apartment, and had put my shoes on when I saw something in my bag that made me change my mind.
A few weeks ago I finally found a Joel Patfull footy card. My hero. The man who never gave up even though he was delisted by port. The dance shoes went back on - hang it all, I was going to dance through that pain even if it killed me, because no matter what happens I want to be like Joel Patfull. Eventually I lost feeling in the foot, which made dancing interesting, but then the pain returned with a vengeance, surging up to my knee. Finally out of petrol tickets, I headed back to the apartment at around 0115. Phew!
Easily the best part of the day was getting to dance with the two best dancers in the whole world (in my opinion - hashtag biased), Zac and Chris. I love these guys to bits, dancing with them just makes me feel so much better about myself, and any dance class where I don't dance with either one of them is a class wasted. Chris is my favourite to dance with, and as I mentioned earlier he was my teacher when I first started. If it weren't for him, I doubt I would have continued dancing (even though at the time I would have happily smacked him. Repeatedly. Hashtag I'm sorry!). Zac, even though he's a world-class dancer, is so incredibly down-to-earth and just brings so much energy to every dance. Every time I dance with him I feel so much more confident as a dancer, he seems to know just how good you are and how to make you feel like you're a star even if you have no clue what you're doing.
That being said, I had some awesome dances with so many guys today that I am simply blown away. This whole experience is making me wish so badly that my social skills weren't completely shit, so that I could really talk to people and make connections and friendships, because everyone is just so awesome. I really hope that I can take some of this energy away with me to use at regular Raw Con classes back at Mt. Gravatt. Who knows, maybe I'll even start joining everyone for dinner before dance class...maybe.
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