Fathers and their daughters

I've been on Twitter again today, and I saw this:

 

I gotta admit, even though if you really want to get techinical he's techinically my step-father (technically), my Dad is by far the best Dad in the world.  Yes, he can be an arsehole and his lectures make fremantles game plan look fun, but now I'm grown up and I have to admit, he lectured because he wanted what was best for me.  He wanted me to get good marks in school so I could have a comfortable job, he wanted me to keep my room tidy so when I had a house to take care of I knew how to do it.  Sure, his delivery could have stood some improvement, but the intent was good, so thanks Dad.  You're even cool on occasions when you're not lecturing.  Sometimes.  Maybe.  A little.

One thing I'm grateful to my Dad for is when it came to my relationships, he wasn't one of those helicoptor Dads who chases off every male who comes near.  He's the same with my little sister, and in fact gets along with my future-brother-in-law-to-be. He's always let me make my own decisions, while being there in case I get hurt (although he did tell my ex that I came with a no-return policy.  Thanks Dad). 

I don't understand these fathers who threaten their daughters dating prospects, even when they're younger.  All it's going to do is breed resentment on the part of the daughter, and encourage her to go around behind her fathers back so she can at least experience what love and relationships are all about.  Plus it's just plain sexist in a way - if you're going to kill a guy for touching your daughter, you should at least then be willing to hand over your daughter to the guys parents so they can kill her too for touching their son.  Not to mention it gives your daughter an unhealthy example - she will learn that males be controlling is okay, and that will affect her relationships negatively.

Parents have a responsibility to their children to model behaviour to their partners that they would like to see in their children, and how they would like to see their children treated.  If a child sees a father who is domineering and controlling, sons will become domineering and controlling themselves, and daughters glean that they are to submit, potentially landing them in abusive situations.  It's the same the other way around, if the mother is jealous and controlling, it will flow on to their children. 

We learn a lot about relationships from what is modeled to us, and what I have learnt from my parents isn't all good, but most of it is.  What I've learnt from my father is that being open and honest without controlling is a good way to be, and from my Mum I've learnt that it's okay to walk away if things aren't right.  I might not have always put it into practise, but after my last experience I think I know where I went wrong and what not to do next time.

So to all those Dads out there feel they have to threaten every male who looks at their daughter, relax.  You're going to have to let her go some time, and if you've done the best you can, she's bound to find someone who will treat her like the princess you think she is.  Just remember to be there if she falls, because there's just some things only Daddy can fix.

Words

I don't think humanity will ever find a more effective means of communication than words, either written or spoken.  Sure, there's body language, but that's very imprecise, and there's pointing and grunting, which as most of us figure out by 10am each morning is also largely ineffective at communicating our wants and needs.

Words are probably the only way we can effectively communicate our wants, needs and feelings to the rest of the world.  Coupled with our actions, they are the best way of representing what we are, whether that is kind, deceitful, smart, hateful, whatever. So why do so many people choose to use hateful words?

I can't stand Adam Goodes, mainly because he plays for the swans.  But I can definitely respect what he does with regards to racism.  When you use hateful words, or even words said in a hateful manner, you are effectively firing a hate gun at someone.  No one likes to have hate shot at them.  It hurts.

"Oh but they're just words!" NO THEY AREN'T. They are a representation of what YOU are needing, wanting or feeling, and if you're feeling hateful towards someone, they're fully entitled to not like it.  Especially if they haven't done anything to warrant such hate in the first place.  Being of a certain race, sexual orientation, gender or religion doesn't mean that hate is called for. 

Think about your words before you use them.  They are your main way of representing yourself, and if you use those words to hate or mislead, don't be surprised when people then turn around and have a negative opinion of you.

Domestic Violence and why victim blaming is ridiculous

This post goes out to two of the strongest women I know - my best friend "sister" Emma and her mother Rhonda.  For years they have been fighting against the terror and the stigma of domestic violence, trying to raise awareness and provide hope with their annual Butterfly Ball (held in honour of Emma's late aunt Noelene)

For anyone not aware, click here to read about Joe Hildebrands comments on Studio 10 this morning.  What disturbs me is the comments on the story, the two themes that really stick out are:

"Why do women get into these relationships?"
"Why do women stay? Surely if they want to protect their children they'll leave!"

The answer to the second one is so simple I can't believe that the nongs asking it don't see it - they're staying because they're afraid that if they leave, the abuser will take revenge using the children.  Luke Batty is only one example.  What about poor Darcey Freeman, whose father threw her off the Westgate Bridge?  Or poor Jai, Tyler and Bailey, whose father drove them into a dam and drowned them?  If the abused (male or female) try to leave, they risk their children being hurt or killed in retaliation.  It's the perfect way to keep the abused under the abusers control.

So how do women get into these situations in the first place?  I'm sure we've all heard of the boiling frog, you put a frog into boiling water it will jump right out, but put it in cool water then let the water slowly heat and the frog will boil to death?  An extremely simplistic way of looking at it really.

Abusers probably don't set out to abuse.  The unfortunately reality is they have dreams too, and the only way they see their dream coming true is by controlling another human being.  They equate "control" with "love" which is just not true at all.  I'm not trying to excuse or pardon them, but I'm trying to show how easy it is to fall into abusive habits - anyone can abuse.  Someone can appear friendly and kind, but as you get to know them they slowly start to try and control you.  Abuse is one form of control and it's easy to do - I should know, I am guilty of abusive behaviours myself.

I am an extremely jealous person, and I pine for those I get attached to when I'm not with them.  100% my problem to deal with, but in my last relationship I didn't.  I took it out on my ex by making accusations and trying to make him miserable while he was away because I felt miserable, and I felt that he didn't love me if he was able to have fun and be happy away from me.  I had no right to try and bring him down, it was me trying to control him through abuse and I'm ashamed of how I behaved. 

"Oh, we all make mistakes."  Yes, we do.  And we're willing to forgive others for their mistakes.  But abusers learn how to make little mistakes that on the surface are forgivable, but slowly erode the confidence and esteem of the victim, and then escalate to keep the abused under control.

Everyone is capable of being abused, and everyone is capable of being an abuser, and many people can be both at the same time.  The way to fix this is not to blame the victim for getting into the mess in the first place, or not being strong enough to escape the situation, but to educate, educate, educate! Model behaviours that you believe to make good, strong relationships, try to weed out any behaviours you know you are guilty of (and all of us have them!), and if you see someone in a bad situation, be there for them - you could save the lives of innocent children.

Domestic violence affects all of us.

A dying form of communication.

Unfortunately in this day and age where the focus is more on ourselves and getting things done quicker, we're losing touch with each other.  We're not communicating as we should, and quite frankly it's dangerous.  Important forms of communication are being lost, simple forms, and none of these more so than the simple indicator.

For those who are unaware of what an indicator is, it's the yellow flashing light on your car, and there's usually 3 on each side - one on the front, one on the side (or on the side mirror) and one on the back of each side of the car.  They are primarily used by drivers to signal intent - whether it's to turn a corner, pull over or merge into a lane.  It's a vital means of communicaton, and is capable of saving lives and keeping people safe.

Unfortunately this form of communication seems to be going out of style.  I'm seeing more and more cars that are obviously not built with indicators, as their drivers never use them.  It's a worrying trend and could very well be a dangerous one.  I can see a world where you're driving along and then suddenly someone just merges in front of you, giving you no time to act and causing an accident.  I beg car companies to install this critical device on all cars they manufacture, and I beg our driving instructors to make sure that people are trained to use these vital forms of communication.

TL:DR? USE YOUR FUCKING INDICATORS!

Ahem.

So, my team lost again.  All because we simply can't keep up the heat when it's required.  Hopefully we don't lose against the Suns, because my dignity couldn't take it.  Part of me is still a bit sore about last year, not just about the Voss sacking, but all the factors that combined to turn our Club into a warzone.  It was supposed to be an amazing year for me, going to all 22 Lions games in the season and finally living my dream and moving to Brisbane, but unfortunately the PTB had other ideas.  If it wasn't constantly hearing about Essendon, it was the fight between the Lions Members and the Lions Board.  If it wasn't that, then it was Vossy under the pump.  Speaking of which, I've been watching Vossy on Fox Footy and he looks 10x healthier than what he did as Coach.  The red in his hair is definitely starting to return (of course, he could be dying it *shifty eyes*) and he looks happier.  Good for you Vossy!

And on the subject of health - Started week 4 of the Coach to 5kms program and managed 4.3kms today.  Hopefully I can keep it up, I surprised myself by being able to go 5 minutes straight jogging.

http://www.c25k.com/ - for those interested in taking up running but don't know where to start.