Bullying.

Something that makes me angry is when I go onto Facebook and see the anti-bullying messages - especially when they're paraded around by the very people who set out to make my school-life hell.

"Oh Kezz, that was back in school, nearly 10 years ago, surely you should be over it by now?"

The whole "It was in the past, they were kids" argument makes me want to strangle someone - it's usually sprouted by people who are still bullies.

First off, anyone over the age of 5 knows that bullying and making other people feel bad isn't a good thing, so you can shove that argument out of the window.  The fact that the schoolyard bullies are young should be no reason why they should be allowed to get away with it, because they soon turn into adult bullies who are infinitely worse.  One thing that drove me insane were the"anti bullying" lectures that we got - nothing about NOT bullying, but rather telling us how to defend ourselves from bullies.  Of course, all the bullies were in these lectures, so they became very redundant very quickly as bullies found new ways to torture their victims. Why aren't these lectures designed to teach children behaviours OTHER than bullying?  I don't care if you're getting abused at home, it's no reason to make MY life hell.  It's not my fault your parents are fighting all the time, it's not my fault if your parents are never home, it's not my fault you suck at school, why try and pull a power trip on an innocent victim to make yourself feel better? 

We need to teach children skills to communicate better for a start, and how to relate to one another.  Unfortunately there seems to be a great deal of parents who either are too busy to teach these skills, or are bullies themselves and encourage these destructive behaviours.  And why wouldn't you?  Bullying can be very satisfying (I should know, I used to bully my siblings a fair bit, it was one of the few ways I could get them to stay away from me) and it does make you feel stronger - at the cost of somebody elses self-esteem and feelings.  I'm willing to bet that if you asked the people who bullied at school, 90% of them would come back and say that the victim deserved it, or that they were in some way justified in doing it. 

Parents have a responsibility to make sure their children aren't bullies.  Very few of them actually do this.  No one wants to believe their child is a bully, and most parents defend their children instead of stepping back and trying to resolve the situation (and we wonder why people have superiority complexes).  Or worse still, they believe the victim deserves it and reinforce the behaviour in their own child.

If there are any schoolchildren reading this, I ask you this - have you said something mean to one of your schoolmates recently (either in person or on social media)?  Have you gone out of your way to make someone else feel bad?  Why?  What gives you the right to hurt another person just to make yourself feel better?  I don't care if they're different, you're better than that.

Fathers and their daughters

I've been on Twitter again today, and I saw this:

 

I gotta admit, even though if you really want to get techinical he's techinically my step-father (technically), my Dad is by far the best Dad in the world.  Yes, he can be an arsehole and his lectures make fremantles game plan look fun, but now I'm grown up and I have to admit, he lectured because he wanted what was best for me.  He wanted me to get good marks in school so I could have a comfortable job, he wanted me to keep my room tidy so when I had a house to take care of I knew how to do it.  Sure, his delivery could have stood some improvement, but the intent was good, so thanks Dad.  You're even cool on occasions when you're not lecturing.  Sometimes.  Maybe.  A little.

One thing I'm grateful to my Dad for is when it came to my relationships, he wasn't one of those helicoptor Dads who chases off every male who comes near.  He's the same with my little sister, and in fact gets along with my future-brother-in-law-to-be. He's always let me make my own decisions, while being there in case I get hurt (although he did tell my ex that I came with a no-return policy.  Thanks Dad). 

I don't understand these fathers who threaten their daughters dating prospects, even when they're younger.  All it's going to do is breed resentment on the part of the daughter, and encourage her to go around behind her fathers back so she can at least experience what love and relationships are all about.  Plus it's just plain sexist in a way - if you're going to kill a guy for touching your daughter, you should at least then be willing to hand over your daughter to the guys parents so they can kill her too for touching their son.  Not to mention it gives your daughter an unhealthy example - she will learn that males be controlling is okay, and that will affect her relationships negatively.

Parents have a responsibility to their children to model behaviour to their partners that they would like to see in their children, and how they would like to see their children treated.  If a child sees a father who is domineering and controlling, sons will become domineering and controlling themselves, and daughters glean that they are to submit, potentially landing them in abusive situations.  It's the same the other way around, if the mother is jealous and controlling, it will flow on to their children. 

We learn a lot about relationships from what is modeled to us, and what I have learnt from my parents isn't all good, but most of it is.  What I've learnt from my father is that being open and honest without controlling is a good way to be, and from my Mum I've learnt that it's okay to walk away if things aren't right.  I might not have always put it into practise, but after my last experience I think I know where I went wrong and what not to do next time.

So to all those Dads out there feel they have to threaten every male who looks at their daughter, relax.  You're going to have to let her go some time, and if you've done the best you can, she's bound to find someone who will treat her like the princess you think she is.  Just remember to be there if she falls, because there's just some things only Daddy can fix.

The most important job - being a big sister.

I am the older sister of three interesting (read: wacko) people: Adam, Meagan and Natalie.  It's something I take seriously, seeing as I have no older siblings of my own, which I would have loved to have had.  Imagine having an older sibling to drive you around, take you to the movies, go to the footy with, lend you copious amounts of money...let's face it, I tend to spoil my siblings when I get the chance.

Adam is the next in line after me, and he gets it pretty rough.  Mostly because he's a dickhead who has questionable taste in friends, but I guess some of it is bad luck.  But I will admit he's getting a lot better.  I remember visiting him when he lived in Melbourne.  Even though circumstances forced him back home, I was still so proud of him, and still am (hopefully he never EVER reads this blog).  While I don't ever see him giving up smoking (sigh) he's got his life mostly on track and I can only see things getting better for him (that hurt to type).

Meagan is next, and while we look nothing alike we used to be pretty close.  I guess me moving away to the big smoke has strained things somewhat, but she's still the only person I know who appreciates the word "pretentious" as much as I do.  She's also the most talented person I know - I can just see her as a backup dancer in a music video or on stage to some pop star someday. Her only real problem is that she can be a bit of a lazy cow, but other than that she'll be alright.

Lastly, there's Natalie.  I haven't known Nat very long, but I see so much of myself in her.  She's my only sibling who's also has Aspergers Syndrome, and I can almost see her running into many of the same roadblocks I have, such as a very overactive imagination, being a bit too trusting and friendly, being a bit hyperactive and a lack of social graces.  Hopefully though since she was caught and diagnosed early she might stand a better chance than what I did.

All three of them are pretty awesome and unique, and while we don't all have the same parents (some of them not even sharing any parents!) we're all pretty strong individuals...and all completely mental.

I love being a big sister!